Over the weekend, I was blessed to be able to attend the Leadership Houston County retreat. Even as I write that first sentence, it seems a complete contradiction as to what I felt leading up to the day of departure. My husband had taken the course last year....a ten month course, that was indeed something that I knew he would enjoy. Originally, we had both been asked to attend and the minute that he and I were alone, I adamantly refused to do it. Knowing me as well as he did, he did not pressure me and politely declined on my behalf, but accepted for himself.
Fast forward to this year and one very charming older gentleman that very kindly approaches me at church, and asks me to attend this year. I tell him that it is not really my thing and he gives me a mild nudge, asking me to just think about it. I did go home and think about it and my head kept telling me it was not a good idea. I discussed it with my husband and he was intelligent enough not to try and sway me. It was not something that I particularly wanted to do, but for some reason known only to God, something stirred in me and gave me that push to accept.
I filled out the application. I handed it in. The church had kindly paid the money to take the course. Everything was ready to go! Except for me. As the day got closer, I grew quieter and more unsure of my decision. What did I have to offer at a Leadership Retreat? Here I was a middle aged, fulltime wife of a Pastor, mother of a very active 6 year old (that was protesting the very idea of her mommy spending the night away from her), grandmother to five....attended college but never finished...had no career to speak of....what was I going to add to the mix? I wanted to pull out. I knew that was NOT an option, so I accepted my fate.
The very morning of the retreat, I had not packed. I felt a little sad and not very excited. My husband, had tried to encourage me and finally decided that his best approach to all of this was to take something that I was excited about, my new Bible Study I'd signed on for....Beth Moore's study of the book of Esther....and highlight some similarities between myself and Esther. Believe me, I knew that there was no chance I was going to this retreat and save the lives of an entire race of people. However, he did say that Esther had found herself in a place where she knew noone. She had no idea going into her predicament, where her "place" in all of it would be or what she would bring to the table. She had no idea what God's purpose was in her being there and she didn't find out until much later. It was providence.
Out of everything that he had tried to impress upon me concerning this retreat, those few things awakened something in my spirit and with only a couple of hours until show time, I was beginning to feel some excitement of the unknown.
During the retreat, I found myself in class with a police officer, a few in the medical field, banking personnel, an engineer, an insurance agent, city workers and more. Most of all, I found new friends. I felt like I was a part of something that was just mine. I was learning a lot about this magical little town that I live in. There were Leadership Alumni that were members of our church and had known me for some time, that were able to get a glimpse of another side of me that until now, they had never seen. It was just a wonderful time for me.
God is going to lead me into all sorts of new and interesting things. It may even be totally outside of my comfort zone....but, little by little, I am testing my wings and I am learning to fly. Surprising to me....I like it!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Angels I've Entertained #2
Miss Sara...was an angel to me and became God's angel July 17, 2008
We've all heard that dynamite comes in small packages. Never has this been more true, than when anyone was blessed to meet and become acquainted with Sara Dickson. She was a precious little elderly woman that stood perhaps 5 ft tall (and that might be stretching it!) Sara was never married but one would never dare to call this dynamo an "old maid" or "spinster." She taught Home Economics for many years at the High School. She lived out in the country and when confronted by a pesky possum or some other varmint, she didn't run screaming in the other direction. The majority of the time she caught the said pest and while she did not kill it, she did trap it in the trunk of her car and take it "elsewhere." Someone told me of a time that she had caught an intruder and stuffed it in her trunk, intending to set it free up the road, but suddenly had taken ill and drove herself to the ER. Once inside she was told she would have to stay overnight, so she immediately dispatched someone to check on the status of the critter trapped at her mercy. I'm not sure how that turned out, as I never asked!
The first time that I actually had the opportunity to talk with Miss Sara, was when returning from dinner out with my husband, there was message on our machine telling us that Sara was in the ER and she was alone. I decided to go there and be with her. This was a first for me, as I always accompanied my husband on hospital visits. I went in and she seemed so happy to see me. I sat on the stretcher next to her while she waited to get the results from blood work. She had struck up a conversation with the young nurse and found that they shared something in common. It seems that the nurse had played basketball in high school and her team had won some sort of championship. Little Miss Sara says, "I played basketball in high school. I was a guard and I was rough!" She almost growled the word "rough." I believed her!
After the doctor came and Sara had inquired about his land and family....he told her that she had pneumonia and his first instinct was to keep her in the hospital. Promising she would go home and stay in, he ordered a shot and when the nurse came with the injection, I stood to go outside of the curtain to give her privacy and as I turned to tell her of my intent, she had already dropped her pants. I immediately turned red and said "Oh.." to which she replied..."Ahhh, you have the same thing I have, mine is just older!" A beautiful friendship was started!
I'm sad to say that I did not get to have a lot of time with Miss Sara. However, the time that God allowed our paths to cross, gave us time to love each other and form a bond that I still feel to this day. I was blessed to have known her. There are many things I could say to sing her praises, but I will leave you with this....Miss Sara made the best Christmas muffins I have ever tasted. They were tiny little muffins that were pretty to behold...perfect in size and shape and had this tangy taste. When you started eating them, you weren't satisfied with just one. One always left you wanting more. Just like Miss Sara.
Miss Sara, in memory of you....recently, the people across the street moved abruptly and left 7 cats stranded. 5 were kittens and the other 2 adult cats. I am terrified of cats...but, I went and bought cat AND kitten food and bravely walked across the street and fed and watered them. I just did not have your gumption to trap them in my car and take them elsewhere.
Thank you God, for sending me this little dynamo angel that I so dearly loved, even for this short time.
We've all heard that dynamite comes in small packages. Never has this been more true, than when anyone was blessed to meet and become acquainted with Sara Dickson. She was a precious little elderly woman that stood perhaps 5 ft tall (and that might be stretching it!) Sara was never married but one would never dare to call this dynamo an "old maid" or "spinster." She taught Home Economics for many years at the High School. She lived out in the country and when confronted by a pesky possum or some other varmint, she didn't run screaming in the other direction. The majority of the time she caught the said pest and while she did not kill it, she did trap it in the trunk of her car and take it "elsewhere." Someone told me of a time that she had caught an intruder and stuffed it in her trunk, intending to set it free up the road, but suddenly had taken ill and drove herself to the ER. Once inside she was told she would have to stay overnight, so she immediately dispatched someone to check on the status of the critter trapped at her mercy. I'm not sure how that turned out, as I never asked!
The first time that I actually had the opportunity to talk with Miss Sara, was when returning from dinner out with my husband, there was message on our machine telling us that Sara was in the ER and she was alone. I decided to go there and be with her. This was a first for me, as I always accompanied my husband on hospital visits. I went in and she seemed so happy to see me. I sat on the stretcher next to her while she waited to get the results from blood work. She had struck up a conversation with the young nurse and found that they shared something in common. It seems that the nurse had played basketball in high school and her team had won some sort of championship. Little Miss Sara says, "I played basketball in high school. I was a guard and I was rough!" She almost growled the word "rough." I believed her!
After the doctor came and Sara had inquired about his land and family....he told her that she had pneumonia and his first instinct was to keep her in the hospital. Promising she would go home and stay in, he ordered a shot and when the nurse came with the injection, I stood to go outside of the curtain to give her privacy and as I turned to tell her of my intent, she had already dropped her pants. I immediately turned red and said "Oh.." to which she replied..."Ahhh, you have the same thing I have, mine is just older!" A beautiful friendship was started!
I'm sad to say that I did not get to have a lot of time with Miss Sara. However, the time that God allowed our paths to cross, gave us time to love each other and form a bond that I still feel to this day. I was blessed to have known her. There are many things I could say to sing her praises, but I will leave you with this....Miss Sara made the best Christmas muffins I have ever tasted. They were tiny little muffins that were pretty to behold...perfect in size and shape and had this tangy taste. When you started eating them, you weren't satisfied with just one. One always left you wanting more. Just like Miss Sara.
Miss Sara, in memory of you....recently, the people across the street moved abruptly and left 7 cats stranded. 5 were kittens and the other 2 adult cats. I am terrified of cats...but, I went and bought cat AND kitten food and bravely walked across the street and fed and watered them. I just did not have your gumption to trap them in my car and take them elsewhere.
Thank you God, for sending me this little dynamo angel that I so dearly loved, even for this short time.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Angels I've Entertained #1
Carolyn....was an angel to me and became God's angel March 6,2008
I was very blessed to have known Carolyn since I was a child. She worked in my dentist's office and I went to school with her daughter Beth. Beth and I were good friends in elementary school and in 4th or 5th grade, we went to see the play "Wind In The Willows" together.
When I began coming to EUMC in July 2007, I hadn't seen Carolyn in years. She came and spoke to me at church and I had the distinct impression that I knew her, but had no idea how. When she told me that she knew my mother and that I had gone to school with Beth, I was so happy that now....I knew someone in the church!
When Ken and I got engaged, we knew that we were going to be married out of town in a very small wedding of family only. We planned to have a reception the following week at our new church as we wanted to include our new church family. Carolyn was the first person to offer her assistance. She always seemed to have boundless energy. I called her my little firecracker. She was always happy and had this beautiful smile. More than anything, she loved her family. She was especially proud of her three girls. She always had a story for me about her girls or the grandchildren. Simply....she just loved life.
My favorite memory of Carolyn was of mine and Ken's first Christmas together as a married couple. I was putting up our tree one night before Christmas while Ken was teaching a Discipleship Class. As I pulled out all of the decorations, I realized that these were all Ken's ornaments. As I opened each little box and took out the ornament, it saddened me because these were from another time...before me, before "us" as a couple. I was hanging all of these ornaments and they meant nothing to me. There was no little story that sprang to mind as I uncovered each decoration. Nothing was "ours."
The next morning, Carolyn dropped by with a gift and we chatted for a few minutes and she went on her way. After she left, I decided to go ahead and open the gift and not wait until Christmas. I unwrapped the gift and pulled aside the tissue paper and as I looked at the gift, I cried. Inside the box was a beautiful glass snowflake ornament that had imprinted on the front...."Our 1st Christmas Together." I actually picked it up and kissed it and hugged it to me. I hung it on OUR tree immediately. I have no idea what Carolyn was thinking as she bought the ornament...but, it meant everything to me.
Carolyn found out soon after, that she had cancer. That fighting spirit took over. She was scared and readily admitted it, but she was by no means, giving up! The church rallied around her and that first Sunday after it was announced, there were many that stood in line waiting to hug her. She gave great hugs!
We lost Carolyn in March 2008. My heart broke for her all of her family, but especially Beth. She is my age. We graduated from school together. It made me aware of the fact that my own mother was aging and we just never know how much time we have left together. Carolyn left behind a husband that had already lost one wife to cancer. Wherever you saw Carolyn, Gary was by her side. Her three girls and grandchildren. How blessed they all were to know her and love her.
Carolyn....in memory of you....I took a walk with my husband the other day and held his hand for the entire three mile walk. I called my oldest daughter just to say I love you and I am thinking of you! Today, I am thanking God for the family He has blessed me with. I am going to make time for them and love them.
Thank you God...for sending this angel into my life at a time that meant so much!
I was very blessed to have known Carolyn since I was a child. She worked in my dentist's office and I went to school with her daughter Beth. Beth and I were good friends in elementary school and in 4th or 5th grade, we went to see the play "Wind In The Willows" together.
When I began coming to EUMC in July 2007, I hadn't seen Carolyn in years. She came and spoke to me at church and I had the distinct impression that I knew her, but had no idea how. When she told me that she knew my mother and that I had gone to school with Beth, I was so happy that now....I knew someone in the church!
When Ken and I got engaged, we knew that we were going to be married out of town in a very small wedding of family only. We planned to have a reception the following week at our new church as we wanted to include our new church family. Carolyn was the first person to offer her assistance. She always seemed to have boundless energy. I called her my little firecracker. She was always happy and had this beautiful smile. More than anything, she loved her family. She was especially proud of her three girls. She always had a story for me about her girls or the grandchildren. Simply....she just loved life.
My favorite memory of Carolyn was of mine and Ken's first Christmas together as a married couple. I was putting up our tree one night before Christmas while Ken was teaching a Discipleship Class. As I pulled out all of the decorations, I realized that these were all Ken's ornaments. As I opened each little box and took out the ornament, it saddened me because these were from another time...before me, before "us" as a couple. I was hanging all of these ornaments and they meant nothing to me. There was no little story that sprang to mind as I uncovered each decoration. Nothing was "ours."
The next morning, Carolyn dropped by with a gift and we chatted for a few minutes and she went on her way. After she left, I decided to go ahead and open the gift and not wait until Christmas. I unwrapped the gift and pulled aside the tissue paper and as I looked at the gift, I cried. Inside the box was a beautiful glass snowflake ornament that had imprinted on the front...."Our 1st Christmas Together." I actually picked it up and kissed it and hugged it to me. I hung it on OUR tree immediately. I have no idea what Carolyn was thinking as she bought the ornament...but, it meant everything to me.
Carolyn found out soon after, that she had cancer. That fighting spirit took over. She was scared and readily admitted it, but she was by no means, giving up! The church rallied around her and that first Sunday after it was announced, there were many that stood in line waiting to hug her. She gave great hugs!
We lost Carolyn in March 2008. My heart broke for her all of her family, but especially Beth. She is my age. We graduated from school together. It made me aware of the fact that my own mother was aging and we just never know how much time we have left together. Carolyn left behind a husband that had already lost one wife to cancer. Wherever you saw Carolyn, Gary was by her side. Her three girls and grandchildren. How blessed they all were to know her and love her.
Carolyn....in memory of you....I took a walk with my husband the other day and held his hand for the entire three mile walk. I called my oldest daughter just to say I love you and I am thinking of you! Today, I am thanking God for the family He has blessed me with. I am going to make time for them and love them.
Thank you God...for sending this angel into my life at a time that meant so much!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Angels I've Entertained
As a pastor's wife, I have tried to be as open and honest as I can concerning the ups and downs of being thrust into a life that I had no idea of all it entailed when I married my husband. At times I have struggled with things and there have been other times that I feel, God has given me the grace to rise to the occasion. There are so many blessings that come with being the wife of a minister. I am able to be at my husband's side when visiting at the hospital. I am able to sit on the front pew every Sunday as my husband delivers the message that God has laid on his heart. I have been blessed to be able to give the children's message every Sunday morning, as my husband proudly looks on from behind. Finally, as we move into our third year of marriage, I am feeling confident enough (through God only)to take on a Sunday School class of teenagers. I can truly see and feel the areas that God has helped me to grow in over the first two years of our marriage.
Sadly, there is one area that I do not like and I still struggle with on a daily basis. Funerals. I love getting to know everyone in our congregation. As I have met each person and gotten to know them as days go by, I learn little things about their lives. What their personalities are like. Who they are married to. How many children they have. Their proud faces as they tell of their grand children's accomplishments. Funny stories of when they were younger. All of this I truly treasure and love.
However, as in all things, nothing lasts forever. Going into the church for the first time, I was scared to death. I wondered if any of them would like me. I worried that I would never be able to put a face with the name. Surely they would take one look at me and realize immediately that I was just not Preacher's Wife material! That did not happen. I was welcomed with open arms. When I made mistakes, they were and continue to be patient. I have loved and been loved in return many times over. The only trouble with this is....when these precious loved ones go on to be with the Lord, I am incredibly sad, not only for myself, but the family they leave behind.
Last week, we had to say goodbye yet again to a very special man that I have loved so dearly since first laying eyes on him. Tom Brewer. After his funeral, I came home and I was just so sad and a little upset with God. He had taken so many from us in the short two years we have been at this church.
Carolyn. Mr. Paul. Sara. William. Rusty. Helen. Marilyn. Betsy.
These are just names to people that never had the pleasure of knowing them, but to me...I have decided that they are angels that God had on this earth. The Bible speaks of entertaining angels. "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:2
When my husband was placed at this church, all of these wonderful people were strangers to me and I to them. As time has gone on, I have gotten to know them and they have known me. In many ways, these people have touched my life. Instead of allowing myself to feel saddened and depressed over their passing, God has laid upon my heart to tell about each ANGEL that I've been blessed to entertain. They have all become family to me.
For the next few weeks, I plan to blog about these uniquely special people one at a time. I want you to get to know them through me. My hope is that you will take the time to stop and think of those that have made an impact on your life, big or small, and acknowledge them in some way. I pray that the people I am writing about, knew that I loved them and even though I miss them, I celebrate their life!
Thank you Lord, for all of the Angels that You have sent my way and continue to send... I pray that I entertain them in ways that glorify You!
Sadly, there is one area that I do not like and I still struggle with on a daily basis. Funerals. I love getting to know everyone in our congregation. As I have met each person and gotten to know them as days go by, I learn little things about their lives. What their personalities are like. Who they are married to. How many children they have. Their proud faces as they tell of their grand children's accomplishments. Funny stories of when they were younger. All of this I truly treasure and love.
However, as in all things, nothing lasts forever. Going into the church for the first time, I was scared to death. I wondered if any of them would like me. I worried that I would never be able to put a face with the name. Surely they would take one look at me and realize immediately that I was just not Preacher's Wife material! That did not happen. I was welcomed with open arms. When I made mistakes, they were and continue to be patient. I have loved and been loved in return many times over. The only trouble with this is....when these precious loved ones go on to be with the Lord, I am incredibly sad, not only for myself, but the family they leave behind.
Last week, we had to say goodbye yet again to a very special man that I have loved so dearly since first laying eyes on him. Tom Brewer. After his funeral, I came home and I was just so sad and a little upset with God. He had taken so many from us in the short two years we have been at this church.
Carolyn. Mr. Paul. Sara. William. Rusty. Helen. Marilyn. Betsy.
These are just names to people that never had the pleasure of knowing them, but to me...I have decided that they are angels that God had on this earth. The Bible speaks of entertaining angels. "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:2
When my husband was placed at this church, all of these wonderful people were strangers to me and I to them. As time has gone on, I have gotten to know them and they have known me. In many ways, these people have touched my life. Instead of allowing myself to feel saddened and depressed over their passing, God has laid upon my heart to tell about each ANGEL that I've been blessed to entertain. They have all become family to me.
For the next few weeks, I plan to blog about these uniquely special people one at a time. I want you to get to know them through me. My hope is that you will take the time to stop and think of those that have made an impact on your life, big or small, and acknowledge them in some way. I pray that the people I am writing about, knew that I loved them and even though I miss them, I celebrate their life!
Thank you Lord, for all of the Angels that You have sent my way and continue to send... I pray that I entertain them in ways that glorify You!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
A Mother's Heart
As most of you know, I have just returned home a couple of days ago, after having spent two weeks in New York with my daughter Ryan. On July 23rd, I was up early and walking out the door to go to the dentist, when I received a frantic text message from my pregnant daughter. Ryan was about 32 weeks along and felt as if she was going into premature labor. This had happened before, so it was cause for alarm. I went on to my appointment and waited to find out what was going on with her.
To get a complete understanding as to why it sent me into immediate panic mode...you have to know all of the other things going on at the same time. One week before this, Ryan's husband had left to go to Iraq. She has three children...Layne 4, Kenny 3 and Zoe 21 months old. Not only having her hands full with the children, as she was going into labor, her house was full of moving people packing all of her belongings to move her onto post housing. Knowing she is pretty much alone, I book a flight and fly out there the same day. I get there late that night and thus begins endless trips to the hospital and doctor office visits. During this time, I was trying to get my daughter unpacked and run after three very rambunctious kids, plus do laundry and all of the other things that needed to be tended to.
I truly enjoyed the time spent with my grandchildren. Giving them a bath each night and putting them to bed. Playing at the park with them. Singing to them and rocking them and kissing boo boos. Just being able to do all of the things that most grandparents that live close to their grandkids, take for granted, was a miracle in and of itself. As tired as I was at the end of each day, it was a good kind of tired. It was time well spent.
The hard part came on Thursday of this week. I had no choice but to return home. I had my little girl at home that had now been two weeks without her mommy. She had started school...her first day passed without mommy there. She had signed up for cheerleading and had her first practice...without mommy on the sideline cheering her on. She got to sing at a special service and mommy was not there to hear her. So many little things that mean a lot. My husband was missing me and I was truly missing him. We have some things coming up at church that I needed to be there to attend. As I walked out the door on Thursday morning to go to the airport, my mother's heart was torn in two. I wanted to be in two different places and it was not possible. I cried all the way to the airport and even on the planes. I wanted to be with both daughters and couldn't.
I have been in constant touch with Ryan since coming home. Thank God for computers and cell phones. It is not the same as being there, but the next best thing. I am praying that God will heal my heart and the pain I feel. Having to leave your very pregnant daughter alone in a new place with three children and a husband away at war, would break the hardest of hearts. We mothers tend to carry guilt with us at all times. Even though in my heart of hearts I know, that I have done everything that I could do....it still hurt to leave her.
Mothers tend to want to kiss the pain away. We want to fix everything. The hardest part was NOT when they were younger and getting up at night or running them to and from all of their activities or taking them to the doctor. No, the hard part has been watching them as adults try and make their way in this world. Realizing that there are some things, MANY things, that will pop up in life that I have no control over and cannot protect them from.
This mother's heart is sad today. I want to make it all better and can't. I have to turn it completely over to God. He, and He alone...can make it all better for Ryan. Plus, He can soothe this mother's heart!
To get a complete understanding as to why it sent me into immediate panic mode...you have to know all of the other things going on at the same time. One week before this, Ryan's husband had left to go to Iraq. She has three children...Layne 4, Kenny 3 and Zoe 21 months old. Not only having her hands full with the children, as she was going into labor, her house was full of moving people packing all of her belongings to move her onto post housing. Knowing she is pretty much alone, I book a flight and fly out there the same day. I get there late that night and thus begins endless trips to the hospital and doctor office visits. During this time, I was trying to get my daughter unpacked and run after three very rambunctious kids, plus do laundry and all of the other things that needed to be tended to.
I truly enjoyed the time spent with my grandchildren. Giving them a bath each night and putting them to bed. Playing at the park with them. Singing to them and rocking them and kissing boo boos. Just being able to do all of the things that most grandparents that live close to their grandkids, take for granted, was a miracle in and of itself. As tired as I was at the end of each day, it was a good kind of tired. It was time well spent.
The hard part came on Thursday of this week. I had no choice but to return home. I had my little girl at home that had now been two weeks without her mommy. She had started school...her first day passed without mommy there. She had signed up for cheerleading and had her first practice...without mommy on the sideline cheering her on. She got to sing at a special service and mommy was not there to hear her. So many little things that mean a lot. My husband was missing me and I was truly missing him. We have some things coming up at church that I needed to be there to attend. As I walked out the door on Thursday morning to go to the airport, my mother's heart was torn in two. I wanted to be in two different places and it was not possible. I cried all the way to the airport and even on the planes. I wanted to be with both daughters and couldn't.
I have been in constant touch with Ryan since coming home. Thank God for computers and cell phones. It is not the same as being there, but the next best thing. I am praying that God will heal my heart and the pain I feel. Having to leave your very pregnant daughter alone in a new place with three children and a husband away at war, would break the hardest of hearts. We mothers tend to carry guilt with us at all times. Even though in my heart of hearts I know, that I have done everything that I could do....it still hurt to leave her.
Mothers tend to want to kiss the pain away. We want to fix everything. The hardest part was NOT when they were younger and getting up at night or running them to and from all of their activities or taking them to the doctor. No, the hard part has been watching them as adults try and make their way in this world. Realizing that there are some things, MANY things, that will pop up in life that I have no control over and cannot protect them from.
This mother's heart is sad today. I want to make it all better and can't. I have to turn it completely over to God. He, and He alone...can make it all better for Ryan. Plus, He can soothe this mother's heart!
Friday, July 3, 2009
MY Thoughts & Feelings On Michael Jackson
As I walked on the treadmill this morning at the gym, the television was programmed to CNN. As we all know, Michael Jackson and his premature death has dominated the news, as it should. Michael Jackson and his genius, along with his music, changed the world. Having said that, there is an alarming trend that is becoming all too familiar when a "celebrity" passes on. The media becomes relentless. They will go to the ends of the earth to dig up some "dirt" on the deceased. While I do understand (and despise) that this is what sells, it is disheartening and unacceptable, nontheless! Regardless of what Michael Jackson meant to you or myself personally, this was a man that was part of a REAL family. He was a father to three beautiful children that he loved and that loved their DADDY. He was the son and brother of a very big family that he loved and that loved him.
While all of us can hear a song of his and immediately be transported back in time and pinpoint where we were and what the song meant to us....we didn't know Michael Jackson. I grew up with four brothers in my house and each has their own little idiosyncrasies that make them who they are. I know the name of the girl that my oldest brother took to prom his senior year. I have another brother that wrote and sang a strange little ditty titled "Onion Breath" and I know the actual meaning behind the song. Another brother had a treasured stuffed panda bear named MingMing that he slept with for most of his childhood. My youngest brother called me ZsaZsa when he was little and thought that there really was a Tinkerbell. Now, what does all of that have to do with Michael Jackson, you ask. Simply, there are many things that happen within a family that makes you a FAMILY. You may know things about your relative that noone else knows and that is the way that it is suppose to be. Our families are our "safe havens." Our place to go when the world outside is cold and lonely or when there are joys to share.
I loved Michael Jackson's music. There were times that a specific song made me dance, or tap my foot to the beat or hum along and at times, I would even sing out loud (usually when I was alone in the car or in the shower!). I never once thought of what his race was, how old he was, his sexual orientation, how much money he had or if he was in debt. Those things NEVER occured to me while I was enjoying his music. I was just always so caught up in the music. The universal language. So, someone please explain to me and make me understand, why, now that this man is dead, why the media feels the need to dissect every area of his life? What is the purpose of this? I do not feel the need to know everything that the man has ever done in life. How would we feel if each time anything happened in our life...I will use myself as an example...if I had been to the gym and pulled a muscle, for instance, and did not go to the doctor but my sister had a prescription of muscle relaxers and gave me a few and the next day, I was front page news...Julia Wallace Local Pastor's Wife Caught Buying Illegal Drugs....or if I felt the need to snap at my daughter to keep her from running out into a busy street and the next day, yet again, I am front page news, only this time I am now "abusive." This may seem rather far fetched to a lot of you, but these things can and do happen to the "celebrity" every day.
I am a Pastor's wife and there are many times that I feel like I am under a microscope for all to see. I have good days and bad days just like everyone else. The luxury that I have is I am not in the spotlight all the time. I do not have people that are hounding me each time I walk out my door or snapping pictures at my most inopportune moments. I am thankful for this.
Michael Jackson has died. I will truly miss his music. What I would like to hear about now is all of the good things that he did for others. All of the money that he gave to help those less fortunate. The lives that he touched in a positive way. When the media chooses to show the world his beloved Neverland Ranch, please just help the outside world see how serene and beautiful it is. Don't make a huge deal out of the fact that he had a safety room, from what I hear many public people have them, and for good reason! No need to comment on "this room was included in the investigation when he was charged with..." (Matt Lauer). Also, keep in mind that there is a beautiful, wonderful family out there grieving for the loss of their loved one....Michael Jackson, a man that we only knew through his music. Our lives will be a little sad over losing one of the world's greatest talents ever, but we will go on. This is going to affect his children, his mother and father and siblings, nieces and nephews, in ways that we cannot understand and for the rest of their lives. While I am sure that his family truly appreciates the outpouring of love from fans, they are living this nightmare in a way we are not. It must be torture to have to hear every single minute detail of their loved one's life every where they turn.
I do not have the right to know everything that happened in Michael's life nor do I want to. Yes, he was a celebrity. But, more than that, he was a human being. All of this media blitz has reminded me of when Anna Nicole Smith died and the circus like atmosphere that surrounded her death and the custody battle that it seemed the bloodthirsty media was anticipating. Even then, there was a precious little baby that had lost her mother and a father that knew he was her daddy and wanted nothing more than to embrace that role. These are real people going through real heartache. What has happened to our humanity?
Today I read something that a celebrity had twittered about having a "White Trash Party" and she was going as "Octomom" and yet again, I was pained that one human being was belittling another human being that more than likely, she had never met. We are not put on this earth to hurt each other or judge each other. We must start opening our hearts to love instead of our mouths to degrade and ostracize.
My heart goes out to the Jackson family for THEIR loss. God bless and keep them all. I was also impressed beyond measure with Reverand Al Sharpton last night as he spoke with a reporter on CNN about Michael Jackson. He nailed it and I am sure that Michael was cheering from heaven! Michael tried to share love on earth....let's follow that lead!
While all of us can hear a song of his and immediately be transported back in time and pinpoint where we were and what the song meant to us....we didn't know Michael Jackson. I grew up with four brothers in my house and each has their own little idiosyncrasies that make them who they are. I know the name of the girl that my oldest brother took to prom his senior year. I have another brother that wrote and sang a strange little ditty titled "Onion Breath" and I know the actual meaning behind the song. Another brother had a treasured stuffed panda bear named MingMing that he slept with for most of his childhood. My youngest brother called me ZsaZsa when he was little and thought that there really was a Tinkerbell. Now, what does all of that have to do with Michael Jackson, you ask. Simply, there are many things that happen within a family that makes you a FAMILY. You may know things about your relative that noone else knows and that is the way that it is suppose to be. Our families are our "safe havens." Our place to go when the world outside is cold and lonely or when there are joys to share.
I loved Michael Jackson's music. There were times that a specific song made me dance, or tap my foot to the beat or hum along and at times, I would even sing out loud (usually when I was alone in the car or in the shower!). I never once thought of what his race was, how old he was, his sexual orientation, how much money he had or if he was in debt. Those things NEVER occured to me while I was enjoying his music. I was just always so caught up in the music. The universal language. So, someone please explain to me and make me understand, why, now that this man is dead, why the media feels the need to dissect every area of his life? What is the purpose of this? I do not feel the need to know everything that the man has ever done in life. How would we feel if each time anything happened in our life...I will use myself as an example...if I had been to the gym and pulled a muscle, for instance, and did not go to the doctor but my sister had a prescription of muscle relaxers and gave me a few and the next day, I was front page news...Julia Wallace Local Pastor's Wife Caught Buying Illegal Drugs....or if I felt the need to snap at my daughter to keep her from running out into a busy street and the next day, yet again, I am front page news, only this time I am now "abusive." This may seem rather far fetched to a lot of you, but these things can and do happen to the "celebrity" every day.
I am a Pastor's wife and there are many times that I feel like I am under a microscope for all to see. I have good days and bad days just like everyone else. The luxury that I have is I am not in the spotlight all the time. I do not have people that are hounding me each time I walk out my door or snapping pictures at my most inopportune moments. I am thankful for this.
Michael Jackson has died. I will truly miss his music. What I would like to hear about now is all of the good things that he did for others. All of the money that he gave to help those less fortunate. The lives that he touched in a positive way. When the media chooses to show the world his beloved Neverland Ranch, please just help the outside world see how serene and beautiful it is. Don't make a huge deal out of the fact that he had a safety room, from what I hear many public people have them, and for good reason! No need to comment on "this room was included in the investigation when he was charged with..." (Matt Lauer). Also, keep in mind that there is a beautiful, wonderful family out there grieving for the loss of their loved one....Michael Jackson, a man that we only knew through his music. Our lives will be a little sad over losing one of the world's greatest talents ever, but we will go on. This is going to affect his children, his mother and father and siblings, nieces and nephews, in ways that we cannot understand and for the rest of their lives. While I am sure that his family truly appreciates the outpouring of love from fans, they are living this nightmare in a way we are not. It must be torture to have to hear every single minute detail of their loved one's life every where they turn.
I do not have the right to know everything that happened in Michael's life nor do I want to. Yes, he was a celebrity. But, more than that, he was a human being. All of this media blitz has reminded me of when Anna Nicole Smith died and the circus like atmosphere that surrounded her death and the custody battle that it seemed the bloodthirsty media was anticipating. Even then, there was a precious little baby that had lost her mother and a father that knew he was her daddy and wanted nothing more than to embrace that role. These are real people going through real heartache. What has happened to our humanity?
Today I read something that a celebrity had twittered about having a "White Trash Party" and she was going as "Octomom" and yet again, I was pained that one human being was belittling another human being that more than likely, she had never met. We are not put on this earth to hurt each other or judge each other. We must start opening our hearts to love instead of our mouths to degrade and ostracize.
My heart goes out to the Jackson family for THEIR loss. God bless and keep them all. I was also impressed beyond measure with Reverand Al Sharpton last night as he spoke with a reporter on CNN about Michael Jackson. He nailed it and I am sure that Michael was cheering from heaven! Michael tried to share love on earth....let's follow that lead!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
My Little Piece of Heaven
As most of you know, I am the proud mother of three children. What some do not know, my youngest child was not conceived of my womb, but in my heart. I gave birth to my two oldest children, Ryan Victoria and Zachary Keith, as most mothers do. Ryan, my oldest daughter, was the perfect first baby to have. I felt great throughout the entire pregnancy, not one moment of morning sickness. I gained a little over 17 pounds. My water broke at 3:30 in the morning, labor pains started at a little after 4:00 a.m. and by 5:29 a.m., after two pushes, I had a beautiful, healthy 8 lb. 6 1/2 baby girl.
Zachary, however, made me work much harder for him. I had morning sickness, I believe from the moment of conception (or so it seemed!). I gained over 80 lbs, how I do not understand as I threw up from the time I woke up until I went to sleep at night. I felt exhausted the entire nine months. I went into labor and he was breech. They, for some reason known only to them and God, did not attempt a c-section, but allowed me to deliver this 10 lb baby boy, vaginally, and did I mention NATURALLY? I pushed for almost 3 hours and got a little bottom popped out, one leg, and then another and by the time that I got to his shoulders, they realized I was fading and put me under. Coming out of the fog, I could hear someone saying, "This is the lady that gave birth to the 10 pounder." and in my fog induced state I thought, "That poor woman." ( The poor woman was myself!)
After Zach, I was finished with having babies. So sure of this fact, now that I had my girl and my boy, I had my tubes tied. Just so you all know, no matter what we do in life, if God has other plans, He will make it happen.
Fast forward to my oldest daughter's junior year in high school. She comes home one day and tells me about this young girl at her school that is pregnant. Ryan tells me that the young mother to be has been raised in foster care since she was 3 years old and that the kids at school are not very nice to her. Sara ( not her real name), is poor and has a chip on her shoulder that has been a permanent fixture all 16 years of her life. I suggest to Ryan, that since she is a popular kid, she should befriend this young girl and the other kids will follow suit. Ryan not only befriends Sara, she takes her to doctor appointments and even has her over to our house on several occasions. I will never forget one time, soon after finding out that she was carrying a girl, Sara told me, "Well, this kid is going to have to live without affection, because I don't do affection. I didn't have it growing up and I turned out fine." I knew that was not true, and for a minute, my heart broke for her unborn child.
Ryan continued to go to each and every doctor appointment. She was thrilled when she found out Sara was having a little girl and was in the delivery room the day that the baby was born. Ryan was even given the honor of cutting the umbilical cord. Sara had gone into premature labor and the baby was born 2 1/2 months early weighing in under 4 lbs.
One night when the baby was about 2 months old, Ryan asked if she could bring her home on a Friday night to spend the night with us. I told her that it was fine, but SHE was going to be the one to get up with this baby because "my baby days are OVER!!!" After assuring me that she would, I consented. When she walked through the door with that baby, my mommy heart melted. She was tiny and looked so vulnerable. Ryan shared with me that the baby's mother had recently "joined" the carnival and had taken this precious child and she sat in an infant seat in a popcorn wagon all day and all night as her mother worked. When she fell asleep at night, the mother would lock down the wagon and go off to the fairway and ride the rides and "hang out." There was no telling how often this baby had cried and not been heard.
This started a pattern and the baby spent a lot of time at our house. My daughter had helped Sara name the baby...Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards). When Nevaeh was 3 months old, her mother asked me if I wanted to adopt her. She was just turning 18 years old, had dropped out of school her senior year and had no prospect of a job. She was willing to sign away all parental rights. The father of the baby, was in prison, but was soon to be released. Little did I know, that at that very moment, Sara was already pregnant again.
We went through all the proper channels and one year later, Nevaeh was ours. The adoption was finalized the day before her big sister's wedding. Nevaeh was the flower girl, while Zach was a groomsman.
Several days after Ryan's wedding, two things happened that will stay in my memory forever. First, I was cleaning out the closet in Ryan's bedroom she had just vacated. I found a journal and noticed what looked to be a black and white picture sticking out of the top. It was Nevaeh's first ultrasound picture. I opened the journal to the date of Nevaeh's birth and Ryan had written "Today I watched my little sister come into this world. I cut her umbilical cord and I held her first. I don't know why, but she feels like my little sister." I cry as I think of that now. She had written this way before we even contemplated adoption. The second thing was, my son had to write a report on something extraordinary that happened in his life. He wrote about his baby sister's adoption. He wrote "Heaven Graced us with her presence and now she is a Young."
I was finished with having children. My baby days were over. I had my boy and my girl. I had the tubes tied! For 14 years, I was perfectly happy with the two children I had given birth to. However, God had other plans for me. My daughter was born, from another woman's womb, but my child nonetheless. Nevaeh Grace Young was born to be my little girl. She is and will forever be, my blessing straight from heaven above!
Zachary, however, made me work much harder for him. I had morning sickness, I believe from the moment of conception (or so it seemed!). I gained over 80 lbs, how I do not understand as I threw up from the time I woke up until I went to sleep at night. I felt exhausted the entire nine months. I went into labor and he was breech. They, for some reason known only to them and God, did not attempt a c-section, but allowed me to deliver this 10 lb baby boy, vaginally, and did I mention NATURALLY? I pushed for almost 3 hours and got a little bottom popped out, one leg, and then another and by the time that I got to his shoulders, they realized I was fading and put me under. Coming out of the fog, I could hear someone saying, "This is the lady that gave birth to the 10 pounder." and in my fog induced state I thought, "That poor woman." ( The poor woman was myself!)
After Zach, I was finished with having babies. So sure of this fact, now that I had my girl and my boy, I had my tubes tied. Just so you all know, no matter what we do in life, if God has other plans, He will make it happen.
Fast forward to my oldest daughter's junior year in high school. She comes home one day and tells me about this young girl at her school that is pregnant. Ryan tells me that the young mother to be has been raised in foster care since she was 3 years old and that the kids at school are not very nice to her. Sara ( not her real name), is poor and has a chip on her shoulder that has been a permanent fixture all 16 years of her life. I suggest to Ryan, that since she is a popular kid, she should befriend this young girl and the other kids will follow suit. Ryan not only befriends Sara, she takes her to doctor appointments and even has her over to our house on several occasions. I will never forget one time, soon after finding out that she was carrying a girl, Sara told me, "Well, this kid is going to have to live without affection, because I don't do affection. I didn't have it growing up and I turned out fine." I knew that was not true, and for a minute, my heart broke for her unborn child.
Ryan continued to go to each and every doctor appointment. She was thrilled when she found out Sara was having a little girl and was in the delivery room the day that the baby was born. Ryan was even given the honor of cutting the umbilical cord. Sara had gone into premature labor and the baby was born 2 1/2 months early weighing in under 4 lbs.
One night when the baby was about 2 months old, Ryan asked if she could bring her home on a Friday night to spend the night with us. I told her that it was fine, but SHE was going to be the one to get up with this baby because "my baby days are OVER!!!" After assuring me that she would, I consented. When she walked through the door with that baby, my mommy heart melted. She was tiny and looked so vulnerable. Ryan shared with me that the baby's mother had recently "joined" the carnival and had taken this precious child and she sat in an infant seat in a popcorn wagon all day and all night as her mother worked. When she fell asleep at night, the mother would lock down the wagon and go off to the fairway and ride the rides and "hang out." There was no telling how often this baby had cried and not been heard.
This started a pattern and the baby spent a lot of time at our house. My daughter had helped Sara name the baby...Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards). When Nevaeh was 3 months old, her mother asked me if I wanted to adopt her. She was just turning 18 years old, had dropped out of school her senior year and had no prospect of a job. She was willing to sign away all parental rights. The father of the baby, was in prison, but was soon to be released. Little did I know, that at that very moment, Sara was already pregnant again.
We went through all the proper channels and one year later, Nevaeh was ours. The adoption was finalized the day before her big sister's wedding. Nevaeh was the flower girl, while Zach was a groomsman.
Several days after Ryan's wedding, two things happened that will stay in my memory forever. First, I was cleaning out the closet in Ryan's bedroom she had just vacated. I found a journal and noticed what looked to be a black and white picture sticking out of the top. It was Nevaeh's first ultrasound picture. I opened the journal to the date of Nevaeh's birth and Ryan had written "Today I watched my little sister come into this world. I cut her umbilical cord and I held her first. I don't know why, but she feels like my little sister." I cry as I think of that now. She had written this way before we even contemplated adoption. The second thing was, my son had to write a report on something extraordinary that happened in his life. He wrote about his baby sister's adoption. He wrote "Heaven Graced us with her presence and now she is a Young."
I was finished with having children. My baby days were over. I had my boy and my girl. I had the tubes tied! For 14 years, I was perfectly happy with the two children I had given birth to. However, God had other plans for me. My daughter was born, from another woman's womb, but my child nonetheless. Nevaeh Grace Young was born to be my little girl. She is and will forever be, my blessing straight from heaven above!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
A Day In The Life
I have had so many people to ask me what is a day in my life like.
I always find the question rather funny because being a Pastor's Wife is just like being any other's man wife. I am a stay at home wife and mother. There are the normal duties of any other mom...cleaning, cooking ( not one of my favorite things), taxi service, etc. Then, mixed in with that, I have a very busy husband, who just happens to be a Pastor. While I can only speak for myself and how I see my role as this Pastor's Wife, my role is more of a "supportive" part. I choose to remain in the background. This is where I am more comfortable.
I love to visit the nursing homes, hospitals and I always go to the funeral home when we lose a cherished member or a parishoner loses family. These are the things that I have a deep love and passion for. I never tire of doing any of the above mentioned things.
So, what is a day in the life of a Preacher's Wife? Well, I think that the question is better answered when we look at a day in my husband's life. Most pastors wives have careers of their own, and while that is great, I have no idea how they manage everything in addition. I tend to struggle with it all at times.
My husband gets up every morning about 6 a.m. and does his personal devotion and prayers. We have our coffee together and map out our day! Yesterday was not typical of all days, but we do see these type of days more often than naught. My husband was getting ready to leave for Nashville to visit an elderly member that has spent over 6 weeks in the hospital after having had his leg amputated. His wife called before Ken left and was overjoyed that at last, her husband was being released from the hospital. So, my husband decided not to go. Instead, he called another church member that had had surgery on his knee on Tuesday and his mother in law suffered a seizure on Wednesday and was in a coma and it was only a matter of time, and scheduled an earlier visit with them. He left and went to see them. I was home cleaning and packing for the annual conference we'd be attending immediately after church on Sunday. When he left their house, he called me to tell me that she was still in the coma. He had to get material to his secretary for the bulletin and then would be driving 25 miles away to visit another church member that has been battling cancer for over a year now. I got a phone call that the elderly woman in the coma, has passed away a few minutes after he left. I called him to inform him of that and immediately after ending that call, I got another call that the elderly man in Nashville was not being released after all. The doctor felt he was still too confused and wanted to observe him over the weekend. Did I mention that my husband had a Men's Cookout planned for that night at church?
I got several phone calls all day, another Pastor called to discuss funeral arrangements with my husband, members calling asking about the cookout, the wife calling about her husband that was in the hospital and always we have people call needing help with electric bills or food. I field all of these calls and pass them on to my husband and where he cannot be, I go. We like to call it tag teaming! There are many times that there are plans made that have to be broken due to his pastoring duties and while it can be disappointing, I know that it is necessary and I am perfectly alright with that.
So, as you can see, my days are not really that different from anyone else's. Doctors wives have to share their husbands. It can be frustrating at times, lonely and there is so much sadness at times it is overwhleming, but it is the most rewarding job. I love my life and would not want to be anywhere else. I've said it many times, Ken's calling has become mine.
I always find the question rather funny because being a Pastor's Wife is just like being any other's man wife. I am a stay at home wife and mother. There are the normal duties of any other mom...cleaning, cooking ( not one of my favorite things), taxi service, etc. Then, mixed in with that, I have a very busy husband, who just happens to be a Pastor. While I can only speak for myself and how I see my role as this Pastor's Wife, my role is more of a "supportive" part. I choose to remain in the background. This is where I am more comfortable.
I love to visit the nursing homes, hospitals and I always go to the funeral home when we lose a cherished member or a parishoner loses family. These are the things that I have a deep love and passion for. I never tire of doing any of the above mentioned things.
So, what is a day in the life of a Preacher's Wife? Well, I think that the question is better answered when we look at a day in my husband's life. Most pastors wives have careers of their own, and while that is great, I have no idea how they manage everything in addition. I tend to struggle with it all at times.
My husband gets up every morning about 6 a.m. and does his personal devotion and prayers. We have our coffee together and map out our day! Yesterday was not typical of all days, but we do see these type of days more often than naught. My husband was getting ready to leave for Nashville to visit an elderly member that has spent over 6 weeks in the hospital after having had his leg amputated. His wife called before Ken left and was overjoyed that at last, her husband was being released from the hospital. So, my husband decided not to go. Instead, he called another church member that had had surgery on his knee on Tuesday and his mother in law suffered a seizure on Wednesday and was in a coma and it was only a matter of time, and scheduled an earlier visit with them. He left and went to see them. I was home cleaning and packing for the annual conference we'd be attending immediately after church on Sunday. When he left their house, he called me to tell me that she was still in the coma. He had to get material to his secretary for the bulletin and then would be driving 25 miles away to visit another church member that has been battling cancer for over a year now. I got a phone call that the elderly woman in the coma, has passed away a few minutes after he left. I called him to inform him of that and immediately after ending that call, I got another call that the elderly man in Nashville was not being released after all. The doctor felt he was still too confused and wanted to observe him over the weekend. Did I mention that my husband had a Men's Cookout planned for that night at church?
I got several phone calls all day, another Pastor called to discuss funeral arrangements with my husband, members calling asking about the cookout, the wife calling about her husband that was in the hospital and always we have people call needing help with electric bills or food. I field all of these calls and pass them on to my husband and where he cannot be, I go. We like to call it tag teaming! There are many times that there are plans made that have to be broken due to his pastoring duties and while it can be disappointing, I know that it is necessary and I am perfectly alright with that.
So, as you can see, my days are not really that different from anyone else's. Doctors wives have to share their husbands. It can be frustrating at times, lonely and there is so much sadness at times it is overwhleming, but it is the most rewarding job. I love my life and would not want to be anywhere else. I've said it many times, Ken's calling has become mine.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
My Big OOPS!
We all have embarrassing moments. Times when we wish we could just disappear or blend into the woodwork, right? Last night, I had one of those moments.
Most of you know that I am a Pastor's Wife. What some of you may not know, I am a NEW Pastor's Wife. My husband Ken is the Pastor of a Methodist Church. We have both been married before. While Ken has been blessed to have been a Pastor for 30+ years, I have only been at this new "job" for less than 2 years. The same year that we were married, Ken had been moved to our present church and while he took to it like a duck to water, it is a well known fact that I have struggled, like a non-swimmer thrown into the deep end of a pool without a life jacket. He can go into ANY situation full of confidence and know exactly what to do and not afraid in the least to speak up and make his presence known. I, on the other hand, tend to shy away from crowds and am more than happy to do anything to "further the kingdom" in the background without a lot of fuss or attention. So, while I am completely secure in being myself around my husband and family, it has taken some time to warm up to the people at church and get to know everyone and figure out what expectations they had of this Preacher's Wife. (Let me just add, they are amazing people and so accepting and loving!)
Last night, Ken and I had decided to take Nevaeh to Chuck E Cheese for a special night, as it her was her last night home before going for a month of Summer visitation with her Dad in Ohio. She wanted her little friend Erin to come along, who just happens to be a member of our church, as are her parents. Erin's mother and I are pretty good friends and she is definately someone that I am 100% comfortable at being myself with. We went to Chuck E Cheese and had a wonderful time and on our way home, I turned on the radio to listen to music. The girls were in the back seat and they were laughing and playing and seemed totally engrossed in what they were doing. It didn't take long for me to get into my own little zone and with my Pastor hubby beside me, I was getting into the beat of the song playing. Nothing horrible about that, right? Did I happen to mention that it was Lady Gaga? Did I also fail to mention that I was singing OUT LOUD no less, "...this beat is sick, I want to take a ride on your disco stick"?
That's right. The NEW Pastor's Wife (the same one that teaches the children's message each week) was singing at the top of her lungs and doing the seat belt mambo....and a little voice from the back seat says...."What is a disco stick?" and it was NOT my child! I turned and looked at my husband with horror and he smiled and asked, "Honey, did you forget that there are kids in the car?" Hmmmm.....how was I going to explain this to her dad when he arrived to pick her up? Just as I do everything else....just frankly and honestly! He was wonderful and her mother was even better.
The song that popped into my head immediately after that was a song that had been taught to me as a child. "Oh be careful little feet where you go. Oh be careful little hands what you do. Oh be careful little ears what you hear. Oh be careful little TONGUE what you say. For the Father up above is looking down in love...so....be careful little TONGUE what you say!"
I am more than sure that this applies to what we sing too!
Most of you know that I am a Pastor's Wife. What some of you may not know, I am a NEW Pastor's Wife. My husband Ken is the Pastor of a Methodist Church. We have both been married before. While Ken has been blessed to have been a Pastor for 30+ years, I have only been at this new "job" for less than 2 years. The same year that we were married, Ken had been moved to our present church and while he took to it like a duck to water, it is a well known fact that I have struggled, like a non-swimmer thrown into the deep end of a pool without a life jacket. He can go into ANY situation full of confidence and know exactly what to do and not afraid in the least to speak up and make his presence known. I, on the other hand, tend to shy away from crowds and am more than happy to do anything to "further the kingdom" in the background without a lot of fuss or attention. So, while I am completely secure in being myself around my husband and family, it has taken some time to warm up to the people at church and get to know everyone and figure out what expectations they had of this Preacher's Wife. (Let me just add, they are amazing people and so accepting and loving!)
Last night, Ken and I had decided to take Nevaeh to Chuck E Cheese for a special night, as it her was her last night home before going for a month of Summer visitation with her Dad in Ohio. She wanted her little friend Erin to come along, who just happens to be a member of our church, as are her parents. Erin's mother and I are pretty good friends and she is definately someone that I am 100% comfortable at being myself with. We went to Chuck E Cheese and had a wonderful time and on our way home, I turned on the radio to listen to music. The girls were in the back seat and they were laughing and playing and seemed totally engrossed in what they were doing. It didn't take long for me to get into my own little zone and with my Pastor hubby beside me, I was getting into the beat of the song playing. Nothing horrible about that, right? Did I happen to mention that it was Lady Gaga? Did I also fail to mention that I was singing OUT LOUD no less, "...this beat is sick, I want to take a ride on your disco stick"?
That's right. The NEW Pastor's Wife (the same one that teaches the children's message each week) was singing at the top of her lungs and doing the seat belt mambo....and a little voice from the back seat says...."What is a disco stick?" and it was NOT my child! I turned and looked at my husband with horror and he smiled and asked, "Honey, did you forget that there are kids in the car?" Hmmmm.....how was I going to explain this to her dad when he arrived to pick her up? Just as I do everything else....just frankly and honestly! He was wonderful and her mother was even better.
The song that popped into my head immediately after that was a song that had been taught to me as a child. "Oh be careful little feet where you go. Oh be careful little hands what you do. Oh be careful little ears what you hear. Oh be careful little TONGUE what you say. For the Father up above is looking down in love...so....be careful little TONGUE what you say!"
I am more than sure that this applies to what we sing too!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
If We Are The Body....WHY?
There is a christian song that I dearly love and each time that I listen to it, it just spurs me into action. The Casting Crowns came out with "If We Are The Body" a few years back that truly should resonate with christians everywhere.
This morning as I was reading a devotional. the scripture I read made me pause and for some reason that particular song came to mind.
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and PRAY FOR EACH OTHER so that you may be healed." (James 5:16) (The emphasis is MINE!)
I got to thinking....if we are the body of Christ, then we should feel pretty confident when we come to one another with hurts, or particularly stressful things going on in our individual lives. There should never be any judgement on either side. We should be more than ready to reach out to each other and offer our love and prayer and understanding. Sadly, we have all met those that claim to be part of the body of Christ yet when one of us falls or experiences trouble, they seem to rejoice in our sufferings. There is way too much time and emphasis put on what I call...."Non-Advancing-Of-The-Kingdom" issues! While it is necessary to halt everything and take a stand and fight for something that we believe in at times....it just feels like wasted time if it is not working toward the common goal of the body of Christ.
The lyrics of the song say it best....."If we are the body, why aren't HIS arms reaching? Why aren't HIS hands healing? Why aren't HIS words teaching? If we are the body, why aren't HIS feet going? Why is HIS Love not showing THEM there is a way? There is a WAY!!" If that song does not do something for you...something is wrong!
While there are a lot of articles out there written by christians, and I have read many lately....it is doing NO good whatsoever if your actions are not lined up with God's Word. I am not judging, I am speaking about myself also. I am blessed to be a part of the body of Christ and take it seriously. But, if we are to reach a lost world for the kingdom of Christ....then we must operate as ONE. ONE BODY....ONE MIND! That is rather impossible to achieve if the body of Christ is warring with each other. How does that look to the lost of this world?
Pray for each other.....I am praying for YOU! Please pray for me!
This morning as I was reading a devotional. the scripture I read made me pause and for some reason that particular song came to mind.
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and PRAY FOR EACH OTHER so that you may be healed." (James 5:16) (The emphasis is MINE!)
I got to thinking....if we are the body of Christ, then we should feel pretty confident when we come to one another with hurts, or particularly stressful things going on in our individual lives. There should never be any judgement on either side. We should be more than ready to reach out to each other and offer our love and prayer and understanding. Sadly, we have all met those that claim to be part of the body of Christ yet when one of us falls or experiences trouble, they seem to rejoice in our sufferings. There is way too much time and emphasis put on what I call...."Non-Advancing-Of-The-Kingdom" issues! While it is necessary to halt everything and take a stand and fight for something that we believe in at times....it just feels like wasted time if it is not working toward the common goal of the body of Christ.
The lyrics of the song say it best....."If we are the body, why aren't HIS arms reaching? Why aren't HIS hands healing? Why aren't HIS words teaching? If we are the body, why aren't HIS feet going? Why is HIS Love not showing THEM there is a way? There is a WAY!!" If that song does not do something for you...something is wrong!
While there are a lot of articles out there written by christians, and I have read many lately....it is doing NO good whatsoever if your actions are not lined up with God's Word. I am not judging, I am speaking about myself also. I am blessed to be a part of the body of Christ and take it seriously. But, if we are to reach a lost world for the kingdom of Christ....then we must operate as ONE. ONE BODY....ONE MIND! That is rather impossible to achieve if the body of Christ is warring with each other. How does that look to the lost of this world?
Pray for each other.....I am praying for YOU! Please pray for me!
Do You Know Where We Are?
"In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths." (Proverbs 3:6)
Sometimes we get some of our greatest life lessons by the most unlikely of teachers. Not too long ago, my husband and I had taken our five year old daughter, Nevaeh and had to make a trip out of town to visit a funeral home and to check on an elderly lady that was in the hospital. While we had very exact directions leading us to the funeral home, we weren't quite as fortunate in getting back on the path that led to the hospital.
Now, my husband being all things male, felt there was no need to stop and ask directions. We drove on for several minutes and he would comment ever so often, "Maybe if I turn left here and go straight..." and I just sat quietly, because even though we have only been married a little over a year...I did grow up in a home with a daddy and four brothers. So, to even hint at the dreaded "Don't you think that we should stop and ask directions?" would be a form of blasphemy! Just as I am growing increasingly frustrated, this little voice from the back seat asks her Papa....."Do you know where we are?" and Papa answered in the affirmative. Then the bombshell.......
"THEN WHY ARE WE LOST?" Wow! Ken and I both laughed, but I was already thinking of how I would write about this. I knew that there was a lesson of some sort in those five little innocent words.
In my life, there have been so many times that I thought that I knew where I was going, had a good grasp on it and was taking care of business. So, if I was so confident and thought that I was exactly where I was suppose to be, doing everything that I was suppose to be doing....why did I feel like I was struggling so hard? Could it be that I was trying to operate out of the flesh? I mean, I was serving God and I had a plan. I had pieced the plan together in my mind and decided ON MY OWN that this is what God wanted and THEN, I prayed about it. Little did I know that I had it all out of sequence. I was suppose to be ACKNOWLEDGING Him and then allowing HIM to direct my paths. That is what I love about the Amplified bible....it just lays it all out for you.
Now, I am at a stage in my life that I have grown and continue to mature in my spiritual walk and I am not so quick to jump into things. I get out of bed in the morning and I say to God immediately, "I am not going to do anything today that is not YOU. If YOU want me to do something, I am going to put all my trust and faith in YOU and know that YOU will direct my path. Thank YOU Father for the Holy Spirit.....it is all about YOU!"
When my sweet little girl uttered those five little words, she had no idea that God was using her as a teacher on that particular day. As I write this, I grow excited thinking of the day that she will read this and know that I heard God speak through her and I listened. In order to be obedient to God, we have to be quiet and listen. Thankfully on this day, I kept my mouth closed (yet another shout out to the Holy Spirit for telling me to be quiet) and my ears open and allowed myself to be taught....He will always direct your path!
Sometimes we get some of our greatest life lessons by the most unlikely of teachers. Not too long ago, my husband and I had taken our five year old daughter, Nevaeh and had to make a trip out of town to visit a funeral home and to check on an elderly lady that was in the hospital. While we had very exact directions leading us to the funeral home, we weren't quite as fortunate in getting back on the path that led to the hospital.
Now, my husband being all things male, felt there was no need to stop and ask directions. We drove on for several minutes and he would comment ever so often, "Maybe if I turn left here and go straight..." and I just sat quietly, because even though we have only been married a little over a year...I did grow up in a home with a daddy and four brothers. So, to even hint at the dreaded "Don't you think that we should stop and ask directions?" would be a form of blasphemy! Just as I am growing increasingly frustrated, this little voice from the back seat asks her Papa....."Do you know where we are?" and Papa answered in the affirmative. Then the bombshell.......
"THEN WHY ARE WE LOST?" Wow! Ken and I both laughed, but I was already thinking of how I would write about this. I knew that there was a lesson of some sort in those five little innocent words.
In my life, there have been so many times that I thought that I knew where I was going, had a good grasp on it and was taking care of business. So, if I was so confident and thought that I was exactly where I was suppose to be, doing everything that I was suppose to be doing....why did I feel like I was struggling so hard? Could it be that I was trying to operate out of the flesh? I mean, I was serving God and I had a plan. I had pieced the plan together in my mind and decided ON MY OWN that this is what God wanted and THEN, I prayed about it. Little did I know that I had it all out of sequence. I was suppose to be ACKNOWLEDGING Him and then allowing HIM to direct my paths. That is what I love about the Amplified bible....it just lays it all out for you.
Now, I am at a stage in my life that I have grown and continue to mature in my spiritual walk and I am not so quick to jump into things. I get out of bed in the morning and I say to God immediately, "I am not going to do anything today that is not YOU. If YOU want me to do something, I am going to put all my trust and faith in YOU and know that YOU will direct my path. Thank YOU Father for the Holy Spirit.....it is all about YOU!"
When my sweet little girl uttered those five little words, she had no idea that God was using her as a teacher on that particular day. As I write this, I grow excited thinking of the day that she will read this and know that I heard God speak through her and I listened. In order to be obedient to God, we have to be quiet and listen. Thankfully on this day, I kept my mouth closed (yet another shout out to the Holy Spirit for telling me to be quiet) and my ears open and allowed myself to be taught....He will always direct your path!
No Such Thing As Minor Victories!
It has been my goal of late, to discern when it is God that is speaking to me. I am seeking to hear and know HIS voice and trying to make better choices. Most of all, I want to know that I am hearing HIM and obeying.
Today, I needed to go into town and shop for gifts that our Sunday school class will be giving to a group of people that we will be having a party for on Monday. The gifts needed to be wrapped and ready at church on Sunday. I had volunteered to do the shopping last week and then Monday hit and it has been a crazy whirlwind all week. So, this morning, I set out alone (thought I'd get finished faster if the little five year old was home) and pointed the car in the direction of Clarksville. There was a little voice that kept saying "Go to the WalMart in Waverly." I have been there before, but usually ventured into Clarksville because that is where my family is and I could stop and visit after I finish errands.
Trying to be obedient, I decided to listen to the voice and headed towards Waverly. As I drove, I had a very pleasant and uninterrupted conversation with God. There were so many things laid on my heart...old grudges that I had been holding onto, unforgiveness of others and even some anger issues that if not let go of, could turn me into a not so nice person. I noticed all of the nature on the way and just felt so in tuned with God.
I went to the WalMart, got everything that I needed and left, ready to make the trip back home. However, the ever small voice told me to take a trip on up the road and I did. I stopped at a yard sale and bought nothing, but did ask the man if there was a McDonald's in Waverly and he gave me some directions. I have never been very comfortable driving around in places that I haven't been before. I followed the directions and was pleased to find not only a McDonald's, but a Sonic, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Chinese restaurant. I grew very excited. While I am sure that we all would agree, these are not fancy places to eat or anything, I felt that this was a minor victory for me. I was thrilled. I found that I was not in the least afraid to explore. I did not feel alone.
I didn't really understand why I was feeling so euphoric as I drove home. I had just gone out and ran a few errands like I had countless other times, but today felt different. The closer I got to home, I began to realize that God had spoken to my heart and I had listened. God had asked a very little thing of me....to go to Waverly instead of Clarksville. The scripture that came to mind was..."He who is faithful in a very little [thing] is faithful also in much.." (Luke 16:10) Each time I conquer a little thing that God gives me, I become more empowered and I garner this strength that readies me for the next thing that God has in store.
There is NO such thing as a minor victory in God's eyes. Every small act of obedience is great in HIS eyes! It has taken me a long time to just be still and listen for God's voice and even longer to take heed, but at last, I am getting there. He's been speaking to me all along, I was just not prepared to HEAR. To many, this may be just a short drive that I took today to one place instead of another, but God and I know, that there was nothing minor about today.
"Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God" (Psalm 46:10)
Today, I needed to go into town and shop for gifts that our Sunday school class will be giving to a group of people that we will be having a party for on Monday. The gifts needed to be wrapped and ready at church on Sunday. I had volunteered to do the shopping last week and then Monday hit and it has been a crazy whirlwind all week. So, this morning, I set out alone (thought I'd get finished faster if the little five year old was home) and pointed the car in the direction of Clarksville. There was a little voice that kept saying "Go to the WalMart in Waverly." I have been there before, but usually ventured into Clarksville because that is where my family is and I could stop and visit after I finish errands.
Trying to be obedient, I decided to listen to the voice and headed towards Waverly. As I drove, I had a very pleasant and uninterrupted conversation with God. There were so many things laid on my heart...old grudges that I had been holding onto, unforgiveness of others and even some anger issues that if not let go of, could turn me into a not so nice person. I noticed all of the nature on the way and just felt so in tuned with God.
I went to the WalMart, got everything that I needed and left, ready to make the trip back home. However, the ever small voice told me to take a trip on up the road and I did. I stopped at a yard sale and bought nothing, but did ask the man if there was a McDonald's in Waverly and he gave me some directions. I have never been very comfortable driving around in places that I haven't been before. I followed the directions and was pleased to find not only a McDonald's, but a Sonic, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Chinese restaurant. I grew very excited. While I am sure that we all would agree, these are not fancy places to eat or anything, I felt that this was a minor victory for me. I was thrilled. I found that I was not in the least afraid to explore. I did not feel alone.
I didn't really understand why I was feeling so euphoric as I drove home. I had just gone out and ran a few errands like I had countless other times, but today felt different. The closer I got to home, I began to realize that God had spoken to my heart and I had listened. God had asked a very little thing of me....to go to Waverly instead of Clarksville. The scripture that came to mind was..."He who is faithful in a very little [thing] is faithful also in much.." (Luke 16:10) Each time I conquer a little thing that God gives me, I become more empowered and I garner this strength that readies me for the next thing that God has in store.
There is NO such thing as a minor victory in God's eyes. Every small act of obedience is great in HIS eyes! It has taken me a long time to just be still and listen for God's voice and even longer to take heed, but at last, I am getting there. He's been speaking to me all along, I was just not prepared to HEAR. To many, this may be just a short drive that I took today to one place instead of another, but God and I know, that there was nothing minor about today.
"Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God" (Psalm 46:10)
Jealousy...An UGLY Emotion!
While recently going about every day life, I have encountered jealousy and the rearing of its ugly head aimed at myself, forcing me to pause and take a long look at this most awful of emotions! I have always known the meaning of the word jealousy, but wanted to get Old Webster's perspective on it.
Jealous: adj 1:demanding complete devotion 2: suspicious of a rival or of one believed to enjoy an advantage 3: VIGILANT
Hmmm, while I have always loved the word vigilant and even considered myself to be this or at least strive to be ever vigilant....I wanted to yet again turn to my friend, Webster.
Vigilant: adj alertly watchful esp. to avoid danger. I like that definition and think that is precisely what the Bible speaks of when it talks of us being ever vigilant.
One of my all time favorite stories from the Bible as a little girl was about Joseph and the coat of many colors. As I got older, I realized that there was much more to the story than just a kid scoring a cool coat. Out of all the stories told in the Bible, this one best represents what the bitterness of jealousy can do to the mind and heart of a person. Joseph obviously held a special place in the heart of his father. I am sure that Jacob loved all of his other children, but his heart held a fondness for Joseph because he was born to him in his old age. Once his brothers saw that their father loved Joseph so much, they grew bitter with their hatred and the Bible tells us, could not even speak a kind word to their own brother. How sad.
As they allowed the jealousy to take root and grow in their hearts, they got together and hatched a plan. They intended to kill their little brother. Just throw him away like yesterday's garbage and it would be good riddance to him. One brother, showed a little character and stepped forward and told them to just throw him in a well, and planned to rescue him at a later time. But, would he have done that? How was he to know that there wasn't a poisonous snake in the bottom of the cistern that would bite and kill him? However, after throwing their brother into the well, they decided it was all for naught. They schemed yet again. Merely throwing their much despised brother into a well wasn't bad enough, why not sell him to passing merchants and allow them to use him as a slave if they so wished. After being handed twenty shekels of silver, the deed was done.
What the brothers did not bank on was the mind numbing grief of their father. No matter what any of them tried to do, they could find no way to console him. Did the sons feel any guilt as to the pain they were causing their father? Or did jealousy numb them to anyone else's pain? After they had ridded themselves of their brother, did the jealousy and bitterness leave their hearts? I am going to go out on a limb and answer a resounding NO!
Even after all that was done to Joseph, many years later, after enduring many painful times in his life, which God turned around to His favor...Joseph was once again reunited with his brothers. Hence one of the most beautiful passages in the Bible, to me....."You intended to harm me, but GOD intended it for good." (Genesis 50:20)
I struggled with jealousy for a period in my life. It is not a pretty emotion to display or to feel. It is a soul eating bacteria that once it has one in its clutches, I truly believe, only GOD can rid a person of it. I prayed often for God to take it from me and the way in which HE healed me, was to allow me to see it up close and personal through another. While it is hard to catch a mere glimpse of yourself through someone else, it can be humbling. Proverbs 14:30 says it best, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but ENVY rots the bones."
While there are those that feel that we are accountable to each other as christians, I do not think that we are to feel jealousy towards one another therefore, ignore the plank in your own eye and point out the speck in your brother's. If you experience jealousy at some point, dig it up from the roots and rid yourself of it before it has a chance to grow. Once it takes root, I think that ONLY God can rid your very soul of it.
Jealousy makes the prettiest of people quite ugly. All other redeeming qualites that the person may possess are no longer visible. I have now seen it close up and aimed at me and that alone, thank you God, will keep me ever VIGILANT to steer clear of the danger of jealousy.
Jealous: adj 1:demanding complete devotion 2: suspicious of a rival or of one believed to enjoy an advantage 3: VIGILANT
Hmmm, while I have always loved the word vigilant and even considered myself to be this or at least strive to be ever vigilant....I wanted to yet again turn to my friend, Webster.
Vigilant: adj alertly watchful esp. to avoid danger. I like that definition and think that is precisely what the Bible speaks of when it talks of us being ever vigilant.
One of my all time favorite stories from the Bible as a little girl was about Joseph and the coat of many colors. As I got older, I realized that there was much more to the story than just a kid scoring a cool coat. Out of all the stories told in the Bible, this one best represents what the bitterness of jealousy can do to the mind and heart of a person. Joseph obviously held a special place in the heart of his father. I am sure that Jacob loved all of his other children, but his heart held a fondness for Joseph because he was born to him in his old age. Once his brothers saw that their father loved Joseph so much, they grew bitter with their hatred and the Bible tells us, could not even speak a kind word to their own brother. How sad.
As they allowed the jealousy to take root and grow in their hearts, they got together and hatched a plan. They intended to kill their little brother. Just throw him away like yesterday's garbage and it would be good riddance to him. One brother, showed a little character and stepped forward and told them to just throw him in a well, and planned to rescue him at a later time. But, would he have done that? How was he to know that there wasn't a poisonous snake in the bottom of the cistern that would bite and kill him? However, after throwing their brother into the well, they decided it was all for naught. They schemed yet again. Merely throwing their much despised brother into a well wasn't bad enough, why not sell him to passing merchants and allow them to use him as a slave if they so wished. After being handed twenty shekels of silver, the deed was done.
What the brothers did not bank on was the mind numbing grief of their father. No matter what any of them tried to do, they could find no way to console him. Did the sons feel any guilt as to the pain they were causing their father? Or did jealousy numb them to anyone else's pain? After they had ridded themselves of their brother, did the jealousy and bitterness leave their hearts? I am going to go out on a limb and answer a resounding NO!
Even after all that was done to Joseph, many years later, after enduring many painful times in his life, which God turned around to His favor...Joseph was once again reunited with his brothers. Hence one of the most beautiful passages in the Bible, to me....."You intended to harm me, but GOD intended it for good." (Genesis 50:20)
I struggled with jealousy for a period in my life. It is not a pretty emotion to display or to feel. It is a soul eating bacteria that once it has one in its clutches, I truly believe, only GOD can rid a person of it. I prayed often for God to take it from me and the way in which HE healed me, was to allow me to see it up close and personal through another. While it is hard to catch a mere glimpse of yourself through someone else, it can be humbling. Proverbs 14:30 says it best, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but ENVY rots the bones."
While there are those that feel that we are accountable to each other as christians, I do not think that we are to feel jealousy towards one another therefore, ignore the plank in your own eye and point out the speck in your brother's. If you experience jealousy at some point, dig it up from the roots and rid yourself of it before it has a chance to grow. Once it takes root, I think that ONLY God can rid your very soul of it.
Jealousy makes the prettiest of people quite ugly. All other redeeming qualites that the person may possess are no longer visible. I have now seen it close up and aimed at me and that alone, thank you God, will keep me ever VIGILANT to steer clear of the danger of jealousy.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
God Never Forgets
Lately, I have been struggling with impatience and an attitude of "I want what I want and I want it right now!" I have gotten discouraged at times and found myself praying to God, "Look, I've been trying really hard to do all that YOU want me to do and have tried to be what YOU expect of me." The mere fact that I was REMINDING God, (of all people) that I was being a good girl and would HE please stop what He was doing and take notice at once....speaks volumes of my total lack of understanding. I read His Word every day and I pray for knowledge and wisdom. There are mornings that I will finish my devotions and set my Bible down and have that wonderful feeling inside and am totally prepared to start my day.
Then, there are, undoubtedly, the other days. We all face them. We read our Bibles and think, "Gosh, none of that even applied to me!"
This has been a tough few months for myself and my family. We have been struggling with things that for the majority of the time, we know and feel 100% that our God is in control. Then, there are times that I allow Satan to edge his creepy way in and place doubts and fears and it just tends to throw me off balance.
Tonight, as I was reading through my Bible, once again, looking for something to jump out and speak to me....I got to Hebrews. It all became clear once again. At the beginning of all the present problems, my husband and I promised each other, but most importantly, Our Father, that no matter what, we continue to serve and pray and thank God daily for His goodness. We have leaned on all of the promises that HE gives us in His never changing Word. Yet again, I was reminded that even in my times of weakness and doubt...."For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are...yet was without sin." (Hebrews 4:15) WOW! When I wanted to give up or let someone else "drink from my cup" I wasn't alone.....He understood.
All of the days that I have had that MOMENTARY pause and felt, "What's it all for?" and then to read, "God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them." (Hebrews 6:10) Even when I forget what He has promised to do, HE hasn't! He keeps all of HIS promises. Just as assuredly as He remembers the good and how I have tried to continue to march through the bad times, I am sure that HE is going to remember the times that I got angry or lost a little trust or "threw-a-not-so-cute-for-a-44 year old-woman- tantrum"...and the next time I start to feel this, will gently remind me how it did not work for me the last time.
God keeps His promises. He NEVER forgets what HE promises......"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." (Hebrews 6:19)
Praying that we all realize that Our Father's memory is not as remiss as ours!
Then, there are, undoubtedly, the other days. We all face them. We read our Bibles and think, "Gosh, none of that even applied to me!"
This has been a tough few months for myself and my family. We have been struggling with things that for the majority of the time, we know and feel 100% that our God is in control. Then, there are times that I allow Satan to edge his creepy way in and place doubts and fears and it just tends to throw me off balance.
Tonight, as I was reading through my Bible, once again, looking for something to jump out and speak to me....I got to Hebrews. It all became clear once again. At the beginning of all the present problems, my husband and I promised each other, but most importantly, Our Father, that no matter what, we continue to serve and pray and thank God daily for His goodness. We have leaned on all of the promises that HE gives us in His never changing Word. Yet again, I was reminded that even in my times of weakness and doubt...."For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are...yet was without sin." (Hebrews 4:15) WOW! When I wanted to give up or let someone else "drink from my cup" I wasn't alone.....He understood.
All of the days that I have had that MOMENTARY pause and felt, "What's it all for?" and then to read, "God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them." (Hebrews 6:10) Even when I forget what He has promised to do, HE hasn't! He keeps all of HIS promises. Just as assuredly as He remembers the good and how I have tried to continue to march through the bad times, I am sure that HE is going to remember the times that I got angry or lost a little trust or "threw-a-not-so-cute-for-a-44 year old-woman- tantrum"...and the next time I start to feel this, will gently remind me how it did not work for me the last time.
God keeps His promises. He NEVER forgets what HE promises......"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." (Hebrews 6:19)
Praying that we all realize that Our Father's memory is not as remiss as ours!
Silent Prayer
I was told by a very special woman that I hold in the highest regard, that she sat through a sermon once and the preacher actually said that "silent prayers go no where." Well, just to be fair, she is a little older and she thought that perhaps she had heard him wrong, but was quite upset by the remark as she was oft times a very private and silent prayer. When she returned from church, she contacted her attorney son and asked him what she had heard and he could tell that his mother was quite distressed. He assured his mother that this was not true and though it relieved her some, she did leave the church.
As I was reading my bible last night, I came across the story of Hannah. She was married to a man, Elkanah and she was one of his two wives. The other wife had bore him children, but, alas, Hannah had not. In this story, it seems that Elkanah had a deep love for Hannah and she prayed constantly for a child even promising her God that she would gladly turn her son over to Him all the days of her young son's life, if God would just bless her with a child.
Hannah was in the temple praying one day and Eli, the priest noticed that here was this woman and he could see her lips moving but NO SOUND was coming from them. 1 Samuel 1:13 tells us that "Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard." Eli thought that perhaps she was drunk. She had to tell the priest that she was praying!
How many times have you been driving in the rain and silently prayed that God would get you through all the traffic, accident free? I have numerous times. When your child has just dangled on your last nerve, how many times have you silently prayed to God to help you maintain a semblence of control? My hand is raised again! I can quote you hundreds of times that my own mother has silently prayed over things and gotten answers from God.
If we go back to the story of Hannah, early in the chapter it tells us that God had closed her womb. Later, as she lay with her husband, it also tells us that "..the Lord remembered her." (vs. 19) Now, if silent prayer goes no where....HOW did God remember her prayer and what she had asked for? Did Hannah indeed get pregnant and give birth to a son? Yes, she did! If God closed her womb, isn't it only reasonable for we christians to believe that HE was the one that reopened it! Hannah was quick to give the Lord the glory..."I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him." (1 Samuel 1:27)
I am and have always been a person that prayer is a very personal thing. I enjoy praying and think that I have a good prayer relationship with my Father. I am not always eloquent in speech and have felt uncomfortable praying out loud in front of a large group of people. "But when you, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." (Matthew 6:6) It stands to reason that if my omnipotent God "sees" all that is done in secret, then He most assureedly HEARS what is said in silence. I will go so far as to challenge this particular pastor.....If you or any other christian is THINKING an impure thought and you do not VERBALIZE it....does God hear that? I somehow do not believe that He is just going to let it slide if it is thought or said in silence.
Does God hear silent prayers? You bet He does. There are a lot of times when we are so full, or just have no idea what to say.....He knows our hearts. "We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS. (emphasis mine!) Romans 8:26
Pray! Pray! Pray! Be it silent or on your knees with your hands raised to heaven and shouting out your words...or silently in a closet.....HE HEARS!
As I was reading my bible last night, I came across the story of Hannah. She was married to a man, Elkanah and she was one of his two wives. The other wife had bore him children, but, alas, Hannah had not. In this story, it seems that Elkanah had a deep love for Hannah and she prayed constantly for a child even promising her God that she would gladly turn her son over to Him all the days of her young son's life, if God would just bless her with a child.
Hannah was in the temple praying one day and Eli, the priest noticed that here was this woman and he could see her lips moving but NO SOUND was coming from them. 1 Samuel 1:13 tells us that "Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard." Eli thought that perhaps she was drunk. She had to tell the priest that she was praying!
How many times have you been driving in the rain and silently prayed that God would get you through all the traffic, accident free? I have numerous times. When your child has just dangled on your last nerve, how many times have you silently prayed to God to help you maintain a semblence of control? My hand is raised again! I can quote you hundreds of times that my own mother has silently prayed over things and gotten answers from God.
If we go back to the story of Hannah, early in the chapter it tells us that God had closed her womb. Later, as she lay with her husband, it also tells us that "..the Lord remembered her." (vs. 19) Now, if silent prayer goes no where....HOW did God remember her prayer and what she had asked for? Did Hannah indeed get pregnant and give birth to a son? Yes, she did! If God closed her womb, isn't it only reasonable for we christians to believe that HE was the one that reopened it! Hannah was quick to give the Lord the glory..."I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him." (1 Samuel 1:27)
I am and have always been a person that prayer is a very personal thing. I enjoy praying and think that I have a good prayer relationship with my Father. I am not always eloquent in speech and have felt uncomfortable praying out loud in front of a large group of people. "But when you, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." (Matthew 6:6) It stands to reason that if my omnipotent God "sees" all that is done in secret, then He most assureedly HEARS what is said in silence. I will go so far as to challenge this particular pastor.....If you or any other christian is THINKING an impure thought and you do not VERBALIZE it....does God hear that? I somehow do not believe that He is just going to let it slide if it is thought or said in silence.
Does God hear silent prayers? You bet He does. There are a lot of times when we are so full, or just have no idea what to say.....He knows our hearts. "We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS. (emphasis mine!) Romans 8:26
Pray! Pray! Pray! Be it silent or on your knees with your hands raised to heaven and shouting out your words...or silently in a closet.....HE HEARS!
Move Toward The Light
So, you've read the title and you're thinking, "Oh no...she has written a piece about death when you are in that in between state and someone is telling you while you are in the tunnel, move toward the light." WRONG! This is not about death at all. On the contrary, it is about life and love and warmth!
We live in the parsonage right next door to our church. There are many things that I love about this old house that was built in the 40's. There are wood floors throughout the downstairs. I love just sitting and looking at them immediately following a good Murphy Oil Soap scrubbing....they just gleam. I love the big kitchen window that I can look out and see the church as I wash dishes. I could go on and on, but there is one special thing in this house that I love above all others. I have an intense fondness for the fireplace.
Ken and I married in the month of August and as we all know, there is no need for the warmth of a fireplace in the dead of summer. We have two recliners that sit side by side directly in front of the fireplace and we enjoy just sitting there together daily after we have put Nevaeh to bed and we have devotions, we talk or just simply sit holding hands while watching a favorite television show.
When winter arrives, I start getting excited because I know that I am going to get to light the fireplace. This year as the Christmas season approached, I hung our three stockings and put the little Christmas village on the mantle and whenever I lit the fireplace, it just exuded a cheerful glow. If I had been out and was just returning home and saw that crackling fire, I threw down whatever I was carrying on the nearby sofa and rushed over to the fireplace. I would just stand in front of it and bask in the soft heat.
There are times when I wake in the middle of the night and I may be thristy and so, with all of the lights off, I am flailing about trying to get to the kitchen, reaching for anything familiar to get me to where I need to go. At last, as my eyes orient to the dark, I make out the light of the microwave's time and breathe a sigh of relief, because I now have something to move towards.
Ever see those bug zapper lights that everyone hangs on their porches during the summer? Every few seconds you will hear that zzzzzz sound and instinctively know that another bug, after being drawn to the light, actually lost their life.
The point that I am trying to make here is simply this...we as humans, are drawn to light. We are in need of warmth. Physically, a fireplace can provide that warmth to our earthly bodies. It feels good to stand in front of it and "warm" ourselves, but the moment that we walk away, there is that little let down when that chill kicks in, isn't there?
As christians, we all have that light living in us. "For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of the darkness', made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." (2 Corinthians 4:6)
People are drawn to light. Let your light shine from within. There are going to be days that you are not feeling so "bright and cheery" and may even be tempted to keep the light switch turned to OFF. We cannot afford to do that. I pray to God to allow my light and yours to shine so bright that it will be like moths to a flame. Do not keep your light lit only during certains seasons of life, as I do my fireplace. Warmth is needed 365 days a year to those that are hurting, lost and in great NEED of the comfort that only those that possess the LIGHT from within can give.
Can you be that light for 2009?
We live in the parsonage right next door to our church. There are many things that I love about this old house that was built in the 40's. There are wood floors throughout the downstairs. I love just sitting and looking at them immediately following a good Murphy Oil Soap scrubbing....they just gleam. I love the big kitchen window that I can look out and see the church as I wash dishes. I could go on and on, but there is one special thing in this house that I love above all others. I have an intense fondness for the fireplace.
Ken and I married in the month of August and as we all know, there is no need for the warmth of a fireplace in the dead of summer. We have two recliners that sit side by side directly in front of the fireplace and we enjoy just sitting there together daily after we have put Nevaeh to bed and we have devotions, we talk or just simply sit holding hands while watching a favorite television show.
When winter arrives, I start getting excited because I know that I am going to get to light the fireplace. This year as the Christmas season approached, I hung our three stockings and put the little Christmas village on the mantle and whenever I lit the fireplace, it just exuded a cheerful glow. If I had been out and was just returning home and saw that crackling fire, I threw down whatever I was carrying on the nearby sofa and rushed over to the fireplace. I would just stand in front of it and bask in the soft heat.
There are times when I wake in the middle of the night and I may be thristy and so, with all of the lights off, I am flailing about trying to get to the kitchen, reaching for anything familiar to get me to where I need to go. At last, as my eyes orient to the dark, I make out the light of the microwave's time and breathe a sigh of relief, because I now have something to move towards.
Ever see those bug zapper lights that everyone hangs on their porches during the summer? Every few seconds you will hear that zzzzzz sound and instinctively know that another bug, after being drawn to the light, actually lost their life.
The point that I am trying to make here is simply this...we as humans, are drawn to light. We are in need of warmth. Physically, a fireplace can provide that warmth to our earthly bodies. It feels good to stand in front of it and "warm" ourselves, but the moment that we walk away, there is that little let down when that chill kicks in, isn't there?
As christians, we all have that light living in us. "For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of the darkness', made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." (2 Corinthians 4:6)
People are drawn to light. Let your light shine from within. There are going to be days that you are not feeling so "bright and cheery" and may even be tempted to keep the light switch turned to OFF. We cannot afford to do that. I pray to God to allow my light and yours to shine so bright that it will be like moths to a flame. Do not keep your light lit only during certains seasons of life, as I do my fireplace. Warmth is needed 365 days a year to those that are hurting, lost and in great NEED of the comfort that only those that possess the LIGHT from within can give.
Can you be that light for 2009?
I Will ALWAYS Dance!
I wrote this during a very difficult time in my Christian walk....
This blog may make sense to only my church family and the ordeal that we are going through at this time. However, I think that there will be a hint of wisdom (not mine by God's) in my words that others will relate to, at least that is my prayer.
After visiting with my mother and sister tonight, as I was driving home from Clarksville to Erin, I was fiddling with the radio trying to find something pleasant and relaxing to listen to on that long stretch of road. I readily admit that I am not the biggest fan of country music, but I do like one song in particular that Garth Brooks sings, "The Dance." As I drove and I thought yet again for what seems the millionth time about the situation our poor church is going through, the song came on. I listened closely to the words and felt this love spring up in me anew.
"Looking back on the memory of the dance we shared beneath the stars above, for a moment all the world was right...." it goes on a few more lines and then my favorite part of the song is...."I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance."
Looking back on this whole harsh experience, it has reopened old wounds that I thought were healed. It has taken me back to another time when I thought that all was right in the world. Being transported back in time when you have been mistreated or been shut out of the "inner sanctum"....stirs emotions within one, and if not very careful, could close one's heart to the ONLY ONE that truly came up with Open Hearts, Open Minds and Open Doors, the slogan of the Methodist Church.
Coming to Erin United Methodist Church restored my faith in people. I have bonded with and felt a deep connection with my family here. They wrote the book on how to make others feel welcome when you walk through that door. Long ago, I could have written off the church and been on my merry way. However, as Garth sings, I could have missed the pain, but I would have missed the dance. Every Sunday that I walk into our precious church, the dance begins. My dance card is never empty. Before I ever leave the parsonage, God is the first to sign up and HE carries me through each dance with each individual partner.
Over time, God has given me a new song in my heart and it gives me joy. It is like my fiddling with that radio and finally, that perfect song comes on that speaks to you and makes you want to tap your foot and pat your hand to the beat on the steering wheel. You do the seatbelt samba!
As I mentioned, at the beginning of all of this, there was pain that was unfortunately renewed...but, it did not last long. "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to You and not be silent." (Psalm 30:11)
We are all going to go through trials and we may lose our rhythm and not hear the song as clearly as before...but in Jeremiah 31:4 we are told "I will build you up again, and you will be rebuilt....Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful." God is faithful and will never leave us in our pain or suffering.
"...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance." (Ecc. 3:4)
God is asking, "May I have this dance?"
This blog may make sense to only my church family and the ordeal that we are going through at this time. However, I think that there will be a hint of wisdom (not mine by God's) in my words that others will relate to, at least that is my prayer.
After visiting with my mother and sister tonight, as I was driving home from Clarksville to Erin, I was fiddling with the radio trying to find something pleasant and relaxing to listen to on that long stretch of road. I readily admit that I am not the biggest fan of country music, but I do like one song in particular that Garth Brooks sings, "The Dance." As I drove and I thought yet again for what seems the millionth time about the situation our poor church is going through, the song came on. I listened closely to the words and felt this love spring up in me anew.
"Looking back on the memory of the dance we shared beneath the stars above, for a moment all the world was right...." it goes on a few more lines and then my favorite part of the song is...."I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance."
Looking back on this whole harsh experience, it has reopened old wounds that I thought were healed. It has taken me back to another time when I thought that all was right in the world. Being transported back in time when you have been mistreated or been shut out of the "inner sanctum"....stirs emotions within one, and if not very careful, could close one's heart to the ONLY ONE that truly came up with Open Hearts, Open Minds and Open Doors, the slogan of the Methodist Church.
Coming to Erin United Methodist Church restored my faith in people. I have bonded with and felt a deep connection with my family here. They wrote the book on how to make others feel welcome when you walk through that door. Long ago, I could have written off the church and been on my merry way. However, as Garth sings, I could have missed the pain, but I would have missed the dance. Every Sunday that I walk into our precious church, the dance begins. My dance card is never empty. Before I ever leave the parsonage, God is the first to sign up and HE carries me through each dance with each individual partner.
Over time, God has given me a new song in my heart and it gives me joy. It is like my fiddling with that radio and finally, that perfect song comes on that speaks to you and makes you want to tap your foot and pat your hand to the beat on the steering wheel. You do the seatbelt samba!
As I mentioned, at the beginning of all of this, there was pain that was unfortunately renewed...but, it did not last long. "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to You and not be silent." (Psalm 30:11)
We are all going to go through trials and we may lose our rhythm and not hear the song as clearly as before...but in Jeremiah 31:4 we are told "I will build you up again, and you will be rebuilt....Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful." God is faithful and will never leave us in our pain or suffering.
"...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance." (Ecc. 3:4)
God is asking, "May I have this dance?"
Monday, May 25, 2009
Hope Is Mine
Driving home from Nashville on Thursday night after a very long and arduous day, there was not one part of me that felt at peace. There were a myriad of emotions coursing through my body, none of which even remotely resembled peace. I felt let down, angry and hopeless. When I got home, I went to bed feeling much of the same. The next morning, things were not much better.
I needed a little time and space put between myself and the "circumstance." As I kissed my husband goodbye for the day and drove towards my mother's home, the song from the old sitcom "Cheers" played over and over in my head. I felt the need to be in a place where "everyone knows my name." What better place to run than to your mother? (I do have an answer to that question, but more on that later!) For the better part of the day, my mom was not even there. She went to run some errands, but she turned her apartment over to me. She had lit several soothing candles in her bedroom, changed her linen and even plumped her pillows...all for me!
It is all really very simple. For all of this time, while my husband and I have been living in this pressure cooker and going through this "circumstance," I have quite often felt as if I were in the middle of a very crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs to be heard and everyone just going on with business as usual. I do not mean our beloved church family, not even for a second. These extraordinary people have not dropped the ball once throughout this whole ordeal. The support and love we have received has been our lifepreserver through it all. No, I am speaking of the higher ups. It is excruciating trying to be heard, when noone seems interested in what you have to say. Just lying in my mother's bed, with all of her things surrounding me, I felt as if I were laying in a cocoon of my mother's love and protection. Even if just for a little while, I felt loved and secure. Driving home, I listened to a favorite preacher of mine on cd and I started to feel that old familiar peace that I once had. It was returning. It hadn't really deserted me, I had let it go. Taking my eyes off of the real Peace Giver and allowing "circumstance" to take over, was the reason I was thrown into this tailspin.
On Saturday morning the first feeling that invaded my body as I awoke was...HOPE! I went into our office and I opened my Bible and staring out at me was Psalm 130. I knew, without a doubt that God felt that once again, He had something to work with. "Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy." (vs.1-2) All along, I had been screaming out to the wrong ones. I was trying desperately to get the attention of those that did not know me or understand one thing about how I was feeling through all of this. But God did. I suddenly felt this enveloping warmth and calmness take over my being.
My eyes are squarely on Jesus and that is where they will stay for the remainder of this "circumstance." No longer will I try to figure it all out. No more second guessing anything. God is in total control. He is guiding and directing and I am a very willing vessel. "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in HIS WORD I put my HOPE." (Psalm 130:5)
Man will disappoint every time, but my God is where all of my HOPE lies!
I needed a little time and space put between myself and the "circumstance." As I kissed my husband goodbye for the day and drove towards my mother's home, the song from the old sitcom "Cheers" played over and over in my head. I felt the need to be in a place where "everyone knows my name." What better place to run than to your mother? (I do have an answer to that question, but more on that later!) For the better part of the day, my mom was not even there. She went to run some errands, but she turned her apartment over to me. She had lit several soothing candles in her bedroom, changed her linen and even plumped her pillows...all for me!
It is all really very simple. For all of this time, while my husband and I have been living in this pressure cooker and going through this "circumstance," I have quite often felt as if I were in the middle of a very crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs to be heard and everyone just going on with business as usual. I do not mean our beloved church family, not even for a second. These extraordinary people have not dropped the ball once throughout this whole ordeal. The support and love we have received has been our lifepreserver through it all. No, I am speaking of the higher ups. It is excruciating trying to be heard, when noone seems interested in what you have to say. Just lying in my mother's bed, with all of her things surrounding me, I felt as if I were laying in a cocoon of my mother's love and protection. Even if just for a little while, I felt loved and secure. Driving home, I listened to a favorite preacher of mine on cd and I started to feel that old familiar peace that I once had. It was returning. It hadn't really deserted me, I had let it go. Taking my eyes off of the real Peace Giver and allowing "circumstance" to take over, was the reason I was thrown into this tailspin.
On Saturday morning the first feeling that invaded my body as I awoke was...HOPE! I went into our office and I opened my Bible and staring out at me was Psalm 130. I knew, without a doubt that God felt that once again, He had something to work with. "Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy." (vs.1-2) All along, I had been screaming out to the wrong ones. I was trying desperately to get the attention of those that did not know me or understand one thing about how I was feeling through all of this. But God did. I suddenly felt this enveloping warmth and calmness take over my being.
My eyes are squarely on Jesus and that is where they will stay for the remainder of this "circumstance." No longer will I try to figure it all out. No more second guessing anything. God is in total control. He is guiding and directing and I am a very willing vessel. "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in HIS WORD I put my HOPE." (Psalm 130:5)
Man will disappoint every time, but my God is where all of my HOPE lies!
The Lifter Of My Head
I was watching Oprah today and to be perfectly honest, it is not a show that I normally watch. I do not have anything against Oprah....just not one of my favorite shows! If I were going to be 100% honest, I would say that I tune into the Maury show most afternoons at 4 p.m. That show is beyond crazy and so full of theatrics, that it is morbid entertainment. I just sit and ask myself over and over, "They have to be getting paid to go on national tv and act like that." (On the other hand, I detest the Jerry Springer Show. Let's face it, that show is like a circus on crack!)
Anyway, the show today was about a family, parents and children each, addicted to heroin. So sad to watch the parents drive 100 miles to score some dope. They could not find anyone to watch their little 13 month old child, so they took him along. They had once owned a beautiful home and cars. The mother said that she had always gone each week and had her hair done and always had her nails done. Now, they had lost all of the "finer things in life." The parents also had two teenaged boys and they, too, were addicted to heroin. They were living in a shelter and yet, somehow, they were still going out daily scoring dope. They had a determination every day of their lives. They woke up, they hungered for heroin and they were sick until they got some.
Today, we got more bad news. While Ken has been prepared to go back to the pulpit on Sunday, we were blindsided by a phone call that threatens to stop that. My first impulse was to lash out at the unfairness and the injustice of it all. Instead, I grabbed a book that I love by Joyce Meyer entitled, "The Secret Power of Speaking God's Word." It was a gift from Joyce Meyer Ministries and it is a little book filled with God's Word that I carry in my purse and from room to room with me. When I speak God's Word aloud in times of trouble, it reminds me of summertime when a pesky fly zzzzz's around my head and I swat it away....I am making the enemy get away from me. Who is the enemy? That is irrelevant. I know what Satan is trying to accomplish. I refuse to give in. I am relentless.
The first question that came to mind was, "What do I say to the church now?" They have been so excited with Ken returning. KEN has been excited about returning. I opened my little book and read..."You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the lifter of my head." -Psalm 3:3 I refuse to hang my head and worry and allow the thief to come and kill God's plan for my future. The thief will not steal my joy and the thief will not kill my hope. I will continue to go before the throne BOLDLY and ask as a right to my inheritance, for God to get me through this and whatever else He needs for me to do. I will finish the course. There have been times throughout all of this that I have felt discouraged, but thank God, I am finished with the old wilderness mentality. I am finished going around that mountain!
I guess by now you are wondering what the family on Oprah has to do with all of this. I watched each of their faces and felt their total despair. They felt that their only option for happiness was heroin. I praised God for my "drug of choice" to bring me through every obstacle in my life. My wonderful God. I do NOT have to hang my head.....God is the LIFTER OF MY HEAD!
Anyway, the show today was about a family, parents and children each, addicted to heroin. So sad to watch the parents drive 100 miles to score some dope. They could not find anyone to watch their little 13 month old child, so they took him along. They had once owned a beautiful home and cars. The mother said that she had always gone each week and had her hair done and always had her nails done. Now, they had lost all of the "finer things in life." The parents also had two teenaged boys and they, too, were addicted to heroin. They were living in a shelter and yet, somehow, they were still going out daily scoring dope. They had a determination every day of their lives. They woke up, they hungered for heroin and they were sick until they got some.
Today, we got more bad news. While Ken has been prepared to go back to the pulpit on Sunday, we were blindsided by a phone call that threatens to stop that. My first impulse was to lash out at the unfairness and the injustice of it all. Instead, I grabbed a book that I love by Joyce Meyer entitled, "The Secret Power of Speaking God's Word." It was a gift from Joyce Meyer Ministries and it is a little book filled with God's Word that I carry in my purse and from room to room with me. When I speak God's Word aloud in times of trouble, it reminds me of summertime when a pesky fly zzzzz's around my head and I swat it away....I am making the enemy get away from me. Who is the enemy? That is irrelevant. I know what Satan is trying to accomplish. I refuse to give in. I am relentless.
The first question that came to mind was, "What do I say to the church now?" They have been so excited with Ken returning. KEN has been excited about returning. I opened my little book and read..."You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the lifter of my head." -Psalm 3:3 I refuse to hang my head and worry and allow the thief to come and kill God's plan for my future. The thief will not steal my joy and the thief will not kill my hope. I will continue to go before the throne BOLDLY and ask as a right to my inheritance, for God to get me through this and whatever else He needs for me to do. I will finish the course. There have been times throughout all of this that I have felt discouraged, but thank God, I am finished with the old wilderness mentality. I am finished going around that mountain!
I guess by now you are wondering what the family on Oprah has to do with all of this. I watched each of their faces and felt their total despair. They felt that their only option for happiness was heroin. I praised God for my "drug of choice" to bring me through every obstacle in my life. My wonderful God. I do NOT have to hang my head.....God is the LIFTER OF MY HEAD!
I'm NOT Trying!
When we go through hard times, it sometimes takes us awhile to get things through our own "thick skulls." We pound our heads against a wall so many times, and ultimately what we are left with is....a headache. Why do we seem to be going around and around the same mountain? It never ceases to amaze me that there are trying times in our life that we must go through and our faith is at an all time high. We tend to breeze through one thing and struggle with another. While our faith is not completely lost, it does take a hit. That is what makes us all human.
How many times in my life have I said "I cannot do this, it is just too hard,"? Nothing is impossible for God. There are so many stories in the Bible that I love to read that show against impossible odds, God can make anything happen. I've also read of those people that were intent on making things happen on their own, causing themselves and those they loved great heartache. During the time that they thought they were in control and knew better than God....they were creating a whole other set of heartaches, that had they only waited on God and allowed Him to work....life would have been much happier.
During this difficult, but necessary time in mine and my husband's life, I have found myself at times, TRYING to make things happen and TRYING to handle things on my own. Throughout my times of TRYING....I have come to the realization that I am NOT TRYING any more. When we are so busy TRYING to do things and make things happen through our own power...we are not doing one very major thing. TRUSTING! Leaning on the One that makes things happen.
So, I am not going to keep TRYING....that is quite tiring. I am going to spend my time TRUSTING. God can handle it all. My favorite verse in the Bible is "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13
Life is not always pleasant and there are things in life that we would not care to go through....but, we can look at it as a time for spiritual growth. Adversity is a real part of life. If you want to find out WHY we face certain adversities in our lives....just remember, we are more apt to be "clued in" if we respond to the actual adversity correctly! Is there a correct way? You betcha! See it for what it is. Our faith is given the chance to grow through adversity...so accept it. The very things that tend to frustrate and anger us will be met with a calmness and peace, when you just allow God to work.
How many times in my life have I said "I cannot do this, it is just too hard,"? Nothing is impossible for God. There are so many stories in the Bible that I love to read that show against impossible odds, God can make anything happen. I've also read of those people that were intent on making things happen on their own, causing themselves and those they loved great heartache. During the time that they thought they were in control and knew better than God....they were creating a whole other set of heartaches, that had they only waited on God and allowed Him to work....life would have been much happier.
During this difficult, but necessary time in mine and my husband's life, I have found myself at times, TRYING to make things happen and TRYING to handle things on my own. Throughout my times of TRYING....I have come to the realization that I am NOT TRYING any more. When we are so busy TRYING to do things and make things happen through our own power...we are not doing one very major thing. TRUSTING! Leaning on the One that makes things happen.
So, I am not going to keep TRYING....that is quite tiring. I am going to spend my time TRUSTING. God can handle it all. My favorite verse in the Bible is "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13
Life is not always pleasant and there are things in life that we would not care to go through....but, we can look at it as a time for spiritual growth. Adversity is a real part of life. If you want to find out WHY we face certain adversities in our lives....just remember, we are more apt to be "clued in" if we respond to the actual adversity correctly! Is there a correct way? You betcha! See it for what it is. Our faith is given the chance to grow through adversity...so accept it. The very things that tend to frustrate and anger us will be met with a calmness and peace, when you just allow God to work.
Resting In His Arms
On Tuesday, we were extremely saddened by the death of a much loved member of our church. Marilyn Langley was indeed an angel among us....she was a huge walking heart! I think that one of the hardest things that Ken and I have ever had to do was sit Nevaeh down and tell her that Miss Marilyn had gone to heaven to live with Jesus. Every Sunday, the minute that Sunday School let out, Nevaeh made a straight path to Ms. Marilyn and Ms. "Coral" Sue. She always had a huge hug for Nevaeh and never let a Sunday go by without a special package filled with goodies. Two beautiful dolls given to our little Nevaeh will be a source of comfort to our little girl for a long time to come! Marilyn never failed to offer support and encouragement to Ken and I during this awful time in our lives. She visited, she called, she sent the most beautiful cards to me that I will treasure forever. She never passed up a chance to express how she felt about Ken, as her pastor and let him know that she had his back! One only has to look at almost every room in our house to see some treasure that Marilyn graced us with. What a beautiful and loving soul. How I will miss you, my sweet friend....knowing that you are now resting in HIS arms, brings all of us so much comfort. I know that Ken, Nevaeh and I now have our own personal angel watching from above!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Let The Little Children Come To Me
Since Nevaeh left to go and visit her father over the Christmas holiday, it seems that every where I go, there are children. There are babies, toddlers, elementary aged kids around my daughter's age and then there are the "tweens." It seemed that every time Ken and I would attempt to go some place, to escape the emptiness of our house without Nevaeh, we would be inundated with kids of every age. At first, I must admit, it made me a little sad and lonely for my child. Then, the bible verse, "Let the little children come to me." (Matt. 19:14) kept playing over and over in my head. I had no idea what God was trying to tell me, so I kept allowing myself to hear it again and again and silently asked God to make His will known to me. What was it about that particular verse that He wanted me to understand?
I went to the Source....The Word. I read chapters 18 and 19 in Matthew and it started becoming rather clear. We live in a world where there is an overabundance of arrogance...in the bible, I believe the word that is used most often instead is "haughtiness." We are a vain bunch of people at times. We tend to get so caught up in our own private little worlds and what is happening to US, that we miss what God is trying to show us in the REAL WORLD.
Have you ever watched a child? Really sat and just studied a child? They are so full of wonderment and innocence. If they see another child in the mall that is in a stroller and perhaps has snot running down their face and their diaper stinks to high heaven.....the child will look up at his mother or father and say.."Oh look at the cute little baby." We, as adults, drive down Broadway or West End in Nashville and see dirty, homeless people pushing carts with all of their earthly belongings in them in the dead of winter and we drive right past. Now, I am not saying that we FEEL nothing....but, do we take that opportunity to say to that child strapped safely in the backseat of that nice warm car you are driving, "Oh bless that poor man's heart. He is without a home. Aren't we blessed?" And, once you are home, does it bother you until it spurs you into action?
Can you imagine that day hundreds of years ago when all of these loving parents had come from far and wide with their precious little children and all they wanted was to have Jesus place His hands on and pray over them? The disciples were shooing them away and admonishing the parents for having the audacity to bother Jesus with mere kids! But, that did not set well with the Savior. He announced, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, because the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matt. 19:14)
I truly believe that when Jesus told His disciples, as He held a dear child in His arms, that "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven," (Matt. 18:3-4) He was saying that we must get back to the innocence that children possess. They are incapable early on of prejudice of any kind. They have no idea how to hate...that is something that is taught! They are shy by nature, the bible calls that "meekness." How many times did you hear while growing up "The meek shall inherit the earth." (Matt.5:5)?
A child is relentlessly forgiving. Someone can commit a horrible act against a child and what do they do? They are trying to hug the same person a few minutes later. I know that there have been many times that I lost my patience with my children and blew my stack, yelling when I shoud have remained calm and spoke softly and several minutes later, here would come a contrite little person asking for MY forgiveness. Those are the times that we should fall to our knees and thank God for the love He places in the heart of a child and beg for some of the same type of love for our own adult hearts.
When we love a child, we love God Himself. The next time you get a chance, just sit and watch a child as he or she goes about their every day life. They are everything that is pure in this life. They are always so filled with awe. Try to see life through their eyes.....when you do, you will get a tiny glimpse of Christ.
"....whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes Me." (Matt. 18:5)
I went to the Source....The Word. I read chapters 18 and 19 in Matthew and it started becoming rather clear. We live in a world where there is an overabundance of arrogance...in the bible, I believe the word that is used most often instead is "haughtiness." We are a vain bunch of people at times. We tend to get so caught up in our own private little worlds and what is happening to US, that we miss what God is trying to show us in the REAL WORLD.
Have you ever watched a child? Really sat and just studied a child? They are so full of wonderment and innocence. If they see another child in the mall that is in a stroller and perhaps has snot running down their face and their diaper stinks to high heaven.....the child will look up at his mother or father and say.."Oh look at the cute little baby." We, as adults, drive down Broadway or West End in Nashville and see dirty, homeless people pushing carts with all of their earthly belongings in them in the dead of winter and we drive right past. Now, I am not saying that we FEEL nothing....but, do we take that opportunity to say to that child strapped safely in the backseat of that nice warm car you are driving, "Oh bless that poor man's heart. He is without a home. Aren't we blessed?" And, once you are home, does it bother you until it spurs you into action?
Can you imagine that day hundreds of years ago when all of these loving parents had come from far and wide with their precious little children and all they wanted was to have Jesus place His hands on and pray over them? The disciples were shooing them away and admonishing the parents for having the audacity to bother Jesus with mere kids! But, that did not set well with the Savior. He announced, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, because the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matt. 19:14)
I truly believe that when Jesus told His disciples, as He held a dear child in His arms, that "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven," (Matt. 18:3-4) He was saying that we must get back to the innocence that children possess. They are incapable early on of prejudice of any kind. They have no idea how to hate...that is something that is taught! They are shy by nature, the bible calls that "meekness." How many times did you hear while growing up "The meek shall inherit the earth." (Matt.5:5)?
A child is relentlessly forgiving. Someone can commit a horrible act against a child and what do they do? They are trying to hug the same person a few minutes later. I know that there have been many times that I lost my patience with my children and blew my stack, yelling when I shoud have remained calm and spoke softly and several minutes later, here would come a contrite little person asking for MY forgiveness. Those are the times that we should fall to our knees and thank God for the love He places in the heart of a child and beg for some of the same type of love for our own adult hearts.
When we love a child, we love God Himself. The next time you get a chance, just sit and watch a child as he or she goes about their every day life. They are everything that is pure in this life. They are always so filled with awe. Try to see life through their eyes.....when you do, you will get a tiny glimpse of Christ.
"....whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes Me." (Matt. 18:5)
Victim or Victor?
The other day my husband and I were talking and kidding around with each other and he made a flippant remark that ALMOST hurt my feelings. It wasn’t said to wound me to the core. In his mind, he had paid me a compliment. All he said was that he thought I looked prettier without my glasses. I know! I know! I think that as soon as he said it, he wanted to reach out, grab the words, hurry and swallow them before I heard it. But, it was said and for a little while, I had to mull this over.
Do I think that I look prettier without my glasses? Yes! I think that I look much better without my glasses and that is precisely the reason I have contacts too. Purely for vanity’s sake!
So, if I know that this is what I am thinking in my own mind, why did it instantly upset me to hear my husband say it? I know that he loves me. I know that he finds me attractive. I know that he would never say anything mean or hurtful to me deliberately. He said the words and in the space between us, I allowed his words to go through some sort of decoder and it transmitted “I do not think that you are pretty at all when you wear your glasses.”
My husband loves me. He has shown me hundreds of times in his actions how deeply he feels for me. If I am sure of this, why did I allow myself to be hurt or think the worst of something said in innocent teasing? It is that old victim mentality. There is the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other and alternately, they whisper good and evil in each ear.
After I had thought about it for a little bit, I realized that I am not a victim. I refuse to have that type of mentality. I have a God that made me in HIS image. I am progressing in HIS work, not a work in progress. He is constantly shaping me. There are times that I do not believe in myself enough and when that occurs, HE steps in and believes enough for both of us! I can look at all that I’ve gone through in life and know other things may arise, yet I can stand tall and proud and know that I have overcome and will continue to overcome. That is NOT a victim. I am a VICTOR!!!
God does not want us to walk around all the time sulking over the things that people may or may not say to us. We have to see ourselves the way that God sees us. He knows we are not perfect. He knows that there are some wrinkles that need to be ironed out. He’s okay with that as long as He sees our growth. I am me! There is only one me! God made me and gave me my own identity and gifts. It is up to me to use them. It is also up to me to choose whether I will be Victor or Victim. I choose VICTOR….after all, that is what God would want me to choose.
Oh, by the way….I like my husband a lot better without his glasses too!
Do I think that I look prettier without my glasses? Yes! I think that I look much better without my glasses and that is precisely the reason I have contacts too. Purely for vanity’s sake!
So, if I know that this is what I am thinking in my own mind, why did it instantly upset me to hear my husband say it? I know that he loves me. I know that he finds me attractive. I know that he would never say anything mean or hurtful to me deliberately. He said the words and in the space between us, I allowed his words to go through some sort of decoder and it transmitted “I do not think that you are pretty at all when you wear your glasses.”
My husband loves me. He has shown me hundreds of times in his actions how deeply he feels for me. If I am sure of this, why did I allow myself to be hurt or think the worst of something said in innocent teasing? It is that old victim mentality. There is the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other and alternately, they whisper good and evil in each ear.
After I had thought about it for a little bit, I realized that I am not a victim. I refuse to have that type of mentality. I have a God that made me in HIS image. I am progressing in HIS work, not a work in progress. He is constantly shaping me. There are times that I do not believe in myself enough and when that occurs, HE steps in and believes enough for both of us! I can look at all that I’ve gone through in life and know other things may arise, yet I can stand tall and proud and know that I have overcome and will continue to overcome. That is NOT a victim. I am a VICTOR!!!
God does not want us to walk around all the time sulking over the things that people may or may not say to us. We have to see ourselves the way that God sees us. He knows we are not perfect. He knows that there are some wrinkles that need to be ironed out. He’s okay with that as long as He sees our growth. I am me! There is only one me! God made me and gave me my own identity and gifts. It is up to me to use them. It is also up to me to choose whether I will be Victor or Victim. I choose VICTOR….after all, that is what God would want me to choose.
Oh, by the way….I like my husband a lot better without his glasses too!
10 Things To Pray About
Do you find yourself struggling at times to find new and refreshing things to pray about? We all do! I sometimes find myself on autopilot as I start to pray. Once we find ourselves praying for the exact same things over and over, we tend to get bored with our prayer lives. So, in an effort to spice up my own prayer life, I made a list of 10 things that may seem rather simplistic, but are truly worthy of our prayers.
1. The next time that you read your local paper, check out the obituaries. Every person that has died, has left behind family and friends. Pray for those that have been left to grieve. Ask God to give them the strength and courage to handle the death of their loved one. True, you may not know the person, but praying for another human being that may be suffering shows your compassion for another.
2. If you have been blessed with children and they are of school age, pray over your child's school. At the beginning of the school year, I wrote every teacher's name on a separate index card along with every staff member in my daughter's year book, and I choose a teacher and a staff member each week and pray over them all week. Pray for their families. Pray that they will find joy in their work. Remember, these are the people that see our children on a daily basis. They will appreciate your prayers, even if they do not know you or your child.
3. Pick a church member, any church member. If you go to church on a regular basis, pick a member at random and pray for that person and feel free to drop them a short note and tell them that you are praying for them. It will make them feel special.
4. Do you have a favorite star on television? Pray for them. Do you know how hard it is to be in the public spotlight and the pressure that comes with that? I read of a group that actually prays every day over Hollywood and its stars. The stars may not know you are praying for them, but God does.
5. Every town has low income housing areas. Pray for the people that live there. Pray that God will give you ideas as to how you can help the residents in small ways, big ways, any way!
6. Pick a college. Adopt a college to pray over. Any college. It is not easy to be a young student in college these days. There are pressures to party and do things that many years ago, were not there. Pray for all students that may be testing on any given day, that they will do well.
7. Pray for your spouse or significant other. Pray that God will keep you both faithful to the other. Pray that you can be a blessing to each other. Pray for a long and happy life together.
8. Pray for our government. We have a brand new President. An African American President. There is this new energy in America. History is being made. This is indeed a time of celebration. This is a time where we should all feel that any dream is possible if we all believe. Pray to God to keep that feeling alive in all of us. All things are possible with God.
9. Pray for those that live in the nursing homes. There are so many elderly people living in nursing homes all over the United States. They are lonely. Some spend entire days sitting in a chair looking out a window. I know an elderly man that sits in the corridor all day in his wheelchair just watching people walk up and down the hall. These are people that raised families, worked and attended churches in our communities. Pray that God will bless them with good health. Pray that God will use you to be a blessing to them.
10. Pray for yourself. Ask God to show you what He wants you to do. He will direct your path. God has a plan for all of us. We may not know what that plan is, but on the way to it, ask God to lead you to people that need help. You can be a blessing to others.
1. The next time that you read your local paper, check out the obituaries. Every person that has died, has left behind family and friends. Pray for those that have been left to grieve. Ask God to give them the strength and courage to handle the death of their loved one. True, you may not know the person, but praying for another human being that may be suffering shows your compassion for another.
2. If you have been blessed with children and they are of school age, pray over your child's school. At the beginning of the school year, I wrote every teacher's name on a separate index card along with every staff member in my daughter's year book, and I choose a teacher and a staff member each week and pray over them all week. Pray for their families. Pray that they will find joy in their work. Remember, these are the people that see our children on a daily basis. They will appreciate your prayers, even if they do not know you or your child.
3. Pick a church member, any church member. If you go to church on a regular basis, pick a member at random and pray for that person and feel free to drop them a short note and tell them that you are praying for them. It will make them feel special.
4. Do you have a favorite star on television? Pray for them. Do you know how hard it is to be in the public spotlight and the pressure that comes with that? I read of a group that actually prays every day over Hollywood and its stars. The stars may not know you are praying for them, but God does.
5. Every town has low income housing areas. Pray for the people that live there. Pray that God will give you ideas as to how you can help the residents in small ways, big ways, any way!
6. Pick a college. Adopt a college to pray over. Any college. It is not easy to be a young student in college these days. There are pressures to party and do things that many years ago, were not there. Pray for all students that may be testing on any given day, that they will do well.
7. Pray for your spouse or significant other. Pray that God will keep you both faithful to the other. Pray that you can be a blessing to each other. Pray for a long and happy life together.
8. Pray for our government. We have a brand new President. An African American President. There is this new energy in America. History is being made. This is indeed a time of celebration. This is a time where we should all feel that any dream is possible if we all believe. Pray to God to keep that feeling alive in all of us. All things are possible with God.
9. Pray for those that live in the nursing homes. There are so many elderly people living in nursing homes all over the United States. They are lonely. Some spend entire days sitting in a chair looking out a window. I know an elderly man that sits in the corridor all day in his wheelchair just watching people walk up and down the hall. These are people that raised families, worked and attended churches in our communities. Pray that God will bless them with good health. Pray that God will use you to be a blessing to them.
10. Pray for yourself. Ask God to show you what He wants you to do. He will direct your path. God has a plan for all of us. We may not know what that plan is, but on the way to it, ask God to lead you to people that need help. You can be a blessing to others.
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